Guy: Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Girl: No, but it will hurt when I pepper spray you.

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Me 17 years old at a bar: Me: Hey there! Girl: Let me stop you there, you seem confident, you for real or just trying to look confident? Me: uuuuuuh.... Girl leaves. Moral: It was not until that day I realized that being confident at hitting on girls alone don't really get you anywhere.

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I like your eyes. My eyes don't like you.

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How much does a polar bear weigh? I don't know. Quite a lot, actually.

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- Do you have the time? - Sure, if you have the place!

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Man and girl talking: Girl: ARE YOU GETTING A HARDON? Man: You think I am a pervert or something? Of course not! Its just the hamster I keep between my ballsack!

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Man: Hey lady, wanna come home with me? Woman: A man like you :D would ask a woman like me? I... I cannot believe it... sniff... excuse me this is so beautiful... ;D I want to of course of course I want to... Man: Want to? Woman: Tell you to go screw yourself moron! Man: But you said beautiful as you looked into my eyes and seemed so happy... Woman: Yes I was looking at my reflection in your eyes to avoid having to look at your disgustingly ugly face! REJECTED like a SONIC BOOM! (now that one was for the non lesb... I mean non drunk women, see? I am quite equal, even to the weaker, yet hot gender)

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male:hey what that between your leggs female: my sisters penis

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Man - Hey hun.. .Can I kiss the most beautiful girl on the whole party? ;) Wowan - Hell no. Man - Ah, I see... And what about you? Can I?

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-hey baby whats your sign? -no parking anytime

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showing people this http://hahgay.com/ p.s after seeng any girls want to come back to my place

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Guy: What's your name? Girl: Damisha. Guy: I can't believe it! You're called just like my highschool's platonic love. Girl: Impossible, I just made it up.

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Your breast is like a beer holder, you would allow me to store beer in between your breasts, while I talk on the phone

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Are you a speeding, aggressive driver? Because your running straight up my ass

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Every kiss begins with K. Except for ugly, that begins with U.

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Mmm baby....I want you to stick your Gaberwalkie in my bandersnatch.. ;)

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Guy: Hey baby, you must be a general, because you're making my PRIVATES stand at attention! Girl: Hmm..they're still a MAJOR disappointment.

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Hey! Doesn't this rag smell of chloroform?

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-hey girl, you must be a pirate cause you got a lot of booty

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WOMAN! GO MAKE ME A SANDWICH NOW! Girl: But I do not even know you!? Man: Oh... uh.. hi sexy.. wanna get to know me?

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Man: (Ugh worst food ever). Girl: U like it? Man: I love it girl! Girl: Aww, I am gonna make this every day ever! Moral: Hey, if she got big tits, then keep lying.

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-If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put 'U' and 'I' together. -If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would take 'U' out entirely.

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M: You make me wanna be a terrorist! W: Why? M: I so wanna blow on you right now...

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why cant you comb your hair cuz you got cancer othere guy :ahahahaah fag

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!