If I said you had a beautiful body I'd be lying.

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Male: If you were a booger, I'd pick you first. Female: If you were an ass, I would kick you first.

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I also got a phd. Awesome in what? Uh wait, is phd and std the same? Wait I mean... Moral: Just leave you dont want to find out the wrong way.

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-how much do i have to pay you to **** me? -how much do i get for taking you back to the zoo?

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If i could rearrange the alphabet, id violate your ass hole.

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He: If i were a carpenter i would nail you She: If i were a hammer i would hit you

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I lost my Nobel prize, can you help me find it?

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Pooh... my my... it sure its fucking cold outside, I have cooled down now, excuse me while I get back to... My well... Je ne sais quoi... Allright, foursome sex! There you got it, thumb this bitch down because I dont like bragging, but these girls dared me to do it, and we all gotta provide and share ;) Moral: I am the only man of course feck! The alternative is disguting!

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http://scriptsbay.com http://scriptsbay.net

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Chick:- Don't worry, we all get nervous when we meet people. My brother: yeah, but my buttcrack gets sweaty & smelly when i get nervous!

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-Are you a dementor? Cuz you just took my breath away... -Expecto Patronum!!!

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So, I hear you want to rape Nathan Skye's body.

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Why couldnt susie see out her window? She was not home, see was to busy drowning in the ocean.

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Dont let this rape turn into a murder

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Close you`re eyes and open you`re mouth. *unzips pants*

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How much do you like peanut butter?

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You like my boobies ;) Girl: I said no you disgusting fat bastard! Moral: What fucking kind of MOTHERFUCKING MORAL are you expecting to find here?!?

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Guy: I believe in women's rights. That's what women deserve. Girl: Oh really? Because I was just gonna go make you a sandwich and get in bed with you, but I guess not...

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Real life: Me at age 17 or something after sex... Me: Thank you! The girl gives me an ugly look left and I never saw her again (whatever she was fugly) Moral: For real guys, never EVER thank a girl for sex!

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If you were a booger i'd pick you first. -that, is fucking disgusting.

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B:wanna go out sometime? G:I'll go out now and get away from you.

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Is someone following you? Cuz ive been seeing people behind your back.

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Guy: Did it hurt? Girl: What? Guy:When I drugged you, then dragged you all the way to my place and banged the hell out of your ass? I also managed to get my entire fist in and out of your ass several times. Moral: Wanna go out with me?

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Soon

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!