Girl: I was just wondering... Boy: Smell my armpits on July 24th, 2016!

thumb_up thumb_down -87

And then one day God invented man, the worlds third most useless invention. Moral: I cant stop laughing, thank you everybody I actually got top grades in sociology studies for this moral man crap XD

thumb_up thumb_down +232

who wants to play EPAR

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Excuse me, does this rag smell like Chloroform to you?

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Boy: I want to get into your pants. Girl: No way! I already have an ass in there!

thumb_up thumb_down +107

Man:Hey, do you know what chloroform smells like? Woman:No. Man:Well, you're about to find out.

thumb_up thumb_down -23

-Hey baby, what's yo sign? - U Turn

thumb_up thumb_down -26

Decaffeinated coffee is like a hooker who only wants to cuddle.

thumb_up thumb_down -47

Drunk guy with high standards part 3: Man: Dunno woman... you are so big and... and... FAT and really huge and stuff but... well... uh.. you are still really damn hot so lets do it! Man: YAAAAARGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! Astronauts: Did that guy really eject himself towards the sun? Moral: At least he was right about the really hot part... and that ladies and gentlemen, is the terrible end of the amazing drunk man with high standards, you can read the whole series just by clicking onwards trough my comments and give em a thumbs ups just as you go along.. otherwise they will show up... mean they wo..

thumb_up thumb_down +20

Why couldnt susie see out her window? She was not home, see was to busy drowning in the ocean.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

I also got a phd. Awesome in what? Uh wait, is phd and std the same? Wait I mean... Moral: Just leave you dont want to find out the wrong way.

thumb_up thumb_down -63

If i could rearrange the alphabet, id violate your ass hole.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

If I said you had a beautiful body I'd be lying.

thumb_up thumb_down -47

Chick:- Don't worry, we all get nervous when we meet people. My brother: yeah, but my buttcrack gets sweaty & smelly when i get nervous!

thumb_up thumb_down +162

Male: If you were a booger, I'd pick you first. Female: If you were an ass, I would kick you first.

thumb_up thumb_down +108

"Is it true you're a lesbian?"

thumb_up thumb_down +143

Guy: I believe in women's rights. That's what women deserve. Girl: Oh really? Because I was just gonna go make you a sandwich and get in bed with you, but I guess not...

thumb_up thumb_down +125

Hey, does this smell like chloroform to you?

thumb_up thumb_down +5

I lost my Nobel prize, can you help me find it?

thumb_up thumb_down +5

So, I hear you want to rape Nathan Skye's body.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

If i could re-arrange the alphabet i'd put you and that other girl together.

thumb_up thumb_down -85

“Why, look at me. I've worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.” ? Groucho Marx

thumb_up thumb_down -66

-how much do i have to pay you to **** me? -how much do i get for taking you back to the zoo?

thumb_up thumb_down +116

Do you believe in love at first hear? Because ive never dated a blind chick before.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!