-Hey baby, what's yo sign? - U Turn

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Boy: I want to get into your pants. Girl: No way! I already have an ass in there!

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I think your cute. I though you were cute, until I saw you...

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Decaffeinated coffee is like a hooker who only wants to cuddle.

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I am sick of pretty girls, I want something sick smelly disgusting, fat or anorexic, with a personality that kills flowers and that makes me vomit... I guess you will have to do for now. :( Moral: At least she was not the perfect match huh? Always look at the bright side of eternal darkness.

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Man:Hey, do you know what chloroform smells like? Woman:No. Man:Well, you're about to find out.

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Drunk guy with high standards part 3: Man: Dunno woman... you are so big and... and... FAT and really huge and stuff but... well... uh.. you are still really damn hot so lets do it! Man: YAAAAARGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! Astronauts: Did that guy really eject himself towards the sun? Moral: At least he was right about the really hot part... and that ladies and gentlemen, is the terrible end of the amazing drunk man with high standards, you can read the whole series just by clicking onwards trough my comments and give em a thumbs ups just as you go along.. otherwise they will show up... mean they wo..

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Excuse me, does this rag smell like Chloroform to you?

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“Why, look at me. I've worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.” ? Groucho Marx

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"Is it true you're a lesbian?"

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haha

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I wouldn't it's fine the way it is

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Hey, does this smell like chloroform to you?

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So, I hear you want to rape Nathan Skye's body.

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Guy: I believe in women's rights. That's what women deserve. Girl: Oh really? Because I was just gonna go make you a sandwich and get in bed with you, but I guess not...

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Male: If you were a booger, I'd pick you first. Female: If you were an ass, I would kick you first.

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Why couldnt susie see out her window? She was not home, see was to busy drowning in the ocean.

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If I said you had a beautiful body I'd be lying.

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I also got a phd. Awesome in what? Uh wait, is phd and std the same? Wait I mean... Moral: Just leave you dont want to find out the wrong way.

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If i could re-arrange the alphabet i'd put you and that other girl together.

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Chick:- Don't worry, we all get nervous when we meet people. My brother: yeah, but my buttcrack gets sweaty & smelly when i get nervous!

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I lost my Nobel prize, can you help me find it?

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If i could rearrange the alphabet, id violate your ass hole.

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He: If i were a carpenter i would nail you She: If i were a hammer i would hit you

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!