I need a fire extinguisher, because my heart is on fire! If you ever talk to me again, I will need a fire extinguisher because I will set myself on fire.

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I hope you like trees because I've got wood!

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Roses are red, violets are blue I thought I was ugly, but then I met you

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Guy: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put U and I together. Girl: That's funny because I'd put F and U together.

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-Hey baby, what's yo sign? - U Turn

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If I said you had a beautiful body I'd be lying.

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Pee extra hard in a urinal when there's someone else in the bathroom so you don't seem weak

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Your breast is like a beer holder, you would allow me to store beer in between your breasts, while I talk on the phone

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*When you get her to your place* I'm just going to be honest. I've been on the FBI's most wanted list for quite some time now.

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I dont have sex on the first date - only if the opportunity comes

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i am with stupid l l l \/

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Hey, does this smell like chloroform to you?

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And then one day God invented man, the worlds third most useless invention. Moral: I cant stop laughing, thank you everybody I actually got top grades in sociology studies for this moral man crap XD

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd take you out back in the shed and screw you!

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Guy: Hey babe, do you have a GPS... I'm lost in your eyes. Girl: Make a U-Turn

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Is someone following you? Cuz ive been seeing people behind your back.

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Real life: Me at age 17 or something after sex... Me: Thank you! The girl gives me an ugly look left and I never saw her again (whatever she was fugly) Moral: For real guys, never EVER thank a girl for sex!

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-Hey Baby, wanna date? -No thanks, I'm allergic to fruits

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He: If i were a carpenter i would nail you She: If i were a hammer i would hit you

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boy: you remind me of the 20 letters of the alphabet girl: there's 26 boy: how could I forget U R A Q T girl: that's 5 boy: you can get the D later girl: you mean the V?

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Do you work for UPS? 'Cause i could swear that you were checking out my package.

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Excuse me lady, may I say that you got wonderful hands? Aww please yes. Would you like a drink my buy? Please :D How classy. Why thank you, would you fancy some hard anal sex on camera for end up on youtube? Moral: He is keeping it classy...

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-I love you.

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M - wanna have some fun? F - No! M - 0k, i have no choice but to rape you!

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!