"How'd you get the black eye?" "I called Yolanda a two-bit whore." "What did she hit you with?" "A sack of quarters."

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-What's your favorite color? -bl... -mine too! Let's f***

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greetings clarisse...

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You're so beautiful you could be a tree... Or a high class prostitute

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Do you work for UPS? 'Cause i could swear that you were checking out my package.

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Look at the keyboard, u and i are together. Look underneath, it says jk.

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guy scientist: hey can i send a probe to explore uranus? girl scientist: hey can i send a rocket with you in it to the sun/

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Do you believe in love at first hear? Because ive never dated a blind chick before.

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-Wanna have sex? -No -Damn

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i am with stupid l l l \/

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Are you a fart? Because you just blew me away.

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The word of the day is 'legs' , The word of tomorrow is Aardvark .

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boy: you remind me of the 20 letters of the alphabet girl: there's 26 boy: how could I forget U R A Q T girl: that's 5 boy: you can get the D later girl: you mean the V?

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Guy: So how about that Tom Cruise??? Guy: ... I'm in the wrong type of bar...

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-Hey Baby, wanna date? -No thanks, I'm allergic to fruits

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M - wanna have some fun? F - No! M - 0k, i have no choice but to rape you!

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MAN: hey babe, do think that mabye someday I and U will be next to each other in the alphebet? WOMAN: well N and O are already, sooo.....

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-Hey, do you have a cat? -Why do you ask? -Because I'd love to pet your pussy. -Well, that makes two of us.

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Ugly begins with U. But awesome ends with ME.

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Man: So, what's your sign? Woman: Out to lunch. Back whenever!

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Got milk? Cuz baby, im of it!

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put you in between F and CK.

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- You look really nice - I know

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Hey baby, do you play soccer? Because I think I'm gonna score tonight. ... Well, you can't score if the player ain't no good.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!