Why couldnt susie see out her window? She was not home, see was to busy drowning in the ocean.

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I also got a phd. Awesome in what? Uh wait, is phd and std the same? Wait I mean... Moral: Just leave you dont want to find out the wrong way.

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If i could re-arrange the alphabet i'd put you and that other girl together.

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Male: If you were a booger, I'd pick you first. Female: If you were an ass, I would kick you first.

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Guy: Hey babe, do you have a GPS... I'm lost in your eyes. Girl: Make a U-Turn

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How much do you like peanut butter?

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Is someone following you? Cuz ive been seeing people behind your back.

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B:wanna go out sometime? G:I'll go out now and get away from you.

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I need a fire extinguisher, because my heart is on fire! If you ever talk to me again, I will need a fire extinguisher because I will set myself on fire.

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-Hey Baby, wanna date? -No thanks, I'm allergic to fruits

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M - wanna have some fun? F - No! M - 0k, i have no choice but to rape you!

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Man: So, what's your sign? Woman: Out to lunch. Back whenever!

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Real life: Me at age 17 or something after sex... Me: Thank you! The girl gives me an ugly look left and I never saw her again (whatever she was fugly) Moral: For real guys, never EVER thank a girl for sex!

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He: If i were a carpenter i would nail you She: If i were a hammer i would hit you

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Close you`re eyes and open you`re mouth. *unzips pants*

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-Are you a dementor? Cuz you just took my breath away... -Expecto Patronum!!!

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If i could rearrange the alphabet, id put my dick in your mouth.

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Sexual harassment, it can be a touchy subject.

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Pee extra hard in a urinal when there's someone else in the bathroom so you don't seem weak

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Excuse me lady, may I say that you got wonderful hands? Aww please yes. Would you like a drink my buy? Please :D How classy. Why thank you, would you fancy some hard anal sex on camera for end up on youtube? Moral: He is keeping it classy...

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Did it hurt? When I fell from Heaven? NO! WHen you were shot up from hell for stealing my pick up line!!!

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Im like a thief and ill steal your virginity!

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I hope you like trees because I've got wood!

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-I love you.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!