Guy: Hey want to hear a joke about my penis? No wait it's too long Girl: Hey want to hear a joke about my vagina? No wait you won't get it.

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Talk to me or I'll burn your face with this acid.

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*Boy looks at cloth* -Does this smell like chlorophorm?

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hi how u doin fine and u well bii have a nice day DONT TELL ME WHAT TO DO

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Hey, you're cute... lets bang.

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Do you want to dance No I suppose a blow job is out of the question then

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-Did you fall from heaven? Because your an angel -No but did you? Because your face is fucked up!

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put you in between F and CK.

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Hey you must be Jabba the slut from Starwars... why are you crying? Moral: Moral is half the battle

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"Have you ever seen a 2-incher?"

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Roses are red Violets are blue Go out with me Or you face'll be those colors, too!

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I hope you like trees because I've got wood!

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—hey girl, how about you give me your phone number and I'll pay half of your order. —sure *passes a paper and paid for the things. The girl walked away* The boy flips open the paper "911, call my dad and ask for me"

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At a bar. M: I so wanna sex you! W: What? :) M: What part of sex did you not get? VAGINA! W: You have problems with your heart? (angina) :( M: Stop screwing with me bitch! W: I dont have no itch... :/ *The man gets insulted and leaves* Woman: Cute guy, I wish I wasn't nearly deaf though... Moral "patience is a virtue?" Hell no! The guy got laid with 6 women that day so the moral is "The more people listen to what you have to say, the more you will get laid this day, and a deaf woman is a challenge if she aint your way"

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i want a blowjob bitch *lifts her hijab*

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Roses are red. Violets are blue. I have a mac10. GET IN THE VAN.

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- I would love to get into your pants... - You can't: I have an asshole in there already.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have a gun, Get in the car.

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Am I having a erection or am I just glad to see you? Moral: My d1ck in my hand is HARDly a better option than my d1ck in a bush.

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Are you cute? Because lets go get taco bell.

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Yo imma let you finish yourself off

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Are your prices by the hour

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At a Bar for blacks... and whites... and everybody else... Man: I can last for hours in bed! Woman: *gets closer and whispers in his ear: Really? Man: OH YeeeeeaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH! Woman: Lets go to your place... Man: Meh, I am done. Moral: Oh YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! Excuse me I need to go change clothes...

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Man: Hi ladies I am back for more if you know what I mean ;) Ladies: Get lost you damn hippie! The seventies are over! Man: Whaaat? I died for your sins you know! Moral: Ever heard of Jesus`s ladyfriends? There, now you see what I mean.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!