—hey girl, how about you give me your phone number and I'll pay half of your order. —sure *passes a paper and paid for the things. The girl walked away* The boy flips open the paper "911, call my dad and ask for me"

thumb_up thumb_down -16

You must be tired... I assume you are because I am after following you on your four mile run through the park today.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

hi how u doin fine and u well bii have a nice day DONT TELL ME WHAT TO DO

thumb_up thumb_down -11

If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put you in between F and CK.

thumb_up thumb_down +134

Guy: Hey want to hear a joke about my penis? No wait it's too long Girl: Hey want to hear a joke about my vagina? No wait you won't get it.

thumb_up thumb_down -80

If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd take you out back in the shed and screw you!

thumb_up thumb_down +169

You have the nicest smile I could ever hope to come across.

thumb_up thumb_down +101

Real life again. I was about twenty and things where going on really well with a shy Swedish girl... Me: Hey, my name is Axel, you know, like Axel Rose? ;) She: I hate that guy! Me: Me too! She: Are you being fake? I dont want to talk to you anymore. Me: No wait I really hate him! She: So desperate... (pats me on the head and leaves me feeling pretty stupid) Moral: Last time I used that one, I hate Axel Rose and I hate my parents naming me after that bastard

thumb_up thumb_down +85

- You look really nice - I know

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Ugly begins with U. But awesome ends with ME.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Are you cute? Because lets go get taco bell.

thumb_up thumb_down -55

Are your prices by the hour

thumb_up thumb_down

Am I having a erection or am I just glad to see you? Moral: My d1ck in my hand is HARDly a better option than my d1ck in a bush.

thumb_up thumb_down +109

Man: Hi ladies I am back for more if you know what I mean ;) Ladies: Get lost you damn hippie! The seventies are over! Man: Whaaat? I died for your sins you know! Moral: Ever heard of Jesus`s ladyfriends? There, now you see what I mean.

thumb_up thumb_down +70

*Boy looks at cloth* -Does this smell like chlorophorm?

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Talk to me or I'll burn your face with this acid.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

hey did you fall from heaven? because my car is all smashed up.

thumb_up thumb_down +120

Female: Hey do you wanna buy me a drink? Male: I really don't like your face.

thumb_up thumb_down -136

"Have you ever seen a 2-incher?"

thumb_up thumb_down +32

Do you want to dance No I suppose a blow job is out of the question then

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Boy: Hey girl, do you wanna play hard to get? Girl: No. Boy: That's the spirit!

thumb_up thumb_down +111

Roses are red. Violets are blue I have a gun Get in the van

thumb_up thumb_down -131

Male: Hey baby you wanna play telephone, i got the string and you got the cans! Female: ...

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Hey, you're cute... lets bang.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!