Real life again: I was about sixteen: Girl: Hey I hear you are good at tekken tag! Me: Yeah, but I dont play videogames anymore (a lie in order to appear "cooler") Girl: I am pretty good too! I love Kuma and Panda Me: Well, okay... Girl: Want to play with me? Me: Meh... Girl: But I really want to play with you if you know what I mean ;) Me: I dont play tekken... Girl: Not even... "Tekken" ;) ;) Me: Nah... Moral: I am a late bloomer to say the least...

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A guy asks a girl in the bar if he can buy her a drink she denies saying that alcohol is bad for her legs the guy asks why do they swell? No. they spread.

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Are you a fart? Because you just blew me away.

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Did it hurt when you burst through the concrete emerging from hell? Yes, yes it did.

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Eyh! its me Black Metal, I seriously cant pay you right now son! Sorry if this comes late this page do not work for shit, (I bet thats why you pick this page you egomaniac son, If you was not full of em charisma id never do this alright?) Okay Overlord, I got your message, hell you know my sister loves you crazy crazy man, why the hell would I try to "hold her away" I mean fuck its banging, so yeah thumbs ups man High five for my sister, its you know, she was super shy before you showed up, now she cant do gym anymore (haha man you so hardcore) but she has lots of friends and you know... So am I absolved now Overlord Black Metal? Moral: Because this guy made me put this, man, you making me feel like a total bitch, good play son!

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Close you`re eyes and open you`re mouth. *unzips pants*

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Look at the keyboard, u and i are together. Look underneath, it says jk.

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The word of the day is 'legs' , The word of tomorrow is Aardvark .

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Hey girl... U remind me of my pinkie toe.. Ur small cite and I'll probably bang u on the coffee table later

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Have you been followed? 'Cuz i've been seeing people behind your back.

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Are you on your period, because there's a blood stain on your pants

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put you in between F and CK.

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-Wanna have sex? -No -Damn

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Roses are red. Violets are blue I have a gun Get in the van

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Im like a thief and ill steal your virginity!

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I don't have a library card but do you mind if I check you out?

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Guy: So how about that Tom Cruise??? Guy: ... I'm in the wrong type of bar...

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You're one-in-a-million. That means there is roughly 7,000 people exactly like you in the world.

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-Do you like me? -No

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Haven't we met somewheer before? Yes, son.

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Girl: "In all of my years, I've never laid eyes on a more attractive, sensitive, and understanding man. With all of my heart, I adore you. Your eyes are pools of heavenly water, teeming with life and love; your succulent smile crafted as elegantly as Mona Lisa's. Your words could move nations; your voice could soothe beasts. Do me the ultimate pleasure of accepting my eternal devotion to you." Boy: "I'm gay."

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Hey can I have your number? No.

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hi how u doin fine and u well bii have a nice day DONT TELL ME WHAT TO DO

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-Are you an angel? -Yeah...actually I am. I remember you-aren't you the guy that fell out of heaven? So THAT'S why your face is so screwed up.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!