Hey can I have your number? No.

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Got milk? Cuz baby, im of it!

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him: your like the sun in the morning. her: that so sweet! him: Your very big and i can even stare at you for more then 2 secondes.

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You're one-in-a-million. That means there is roughly 7,000 people exactly like you in the world.

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Ever kissed a bunny inbetween the ears? Nope. I'm allergic to them.

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Boy: Do u have a pen? Girl: Yeah, here Boy: Umm..its out of ink Girl: What? Boy: It doesn't work Girl: R u sure? Boy: Don't believe me? Fine, u try it... Go on, write your cell phone number right here....

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Are you a fart? Because you just blew me away.

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-Wanna have sex? -No -Damn

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Look at the keyboard, u and i are together. Look underneath, it says jk.

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put you in between F and CK.

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boy: you remind me of the 20 letters of the alphabet girl: there's 26 boy: how could I forget U R A Q T girl: that's 5 boy: you can get the D later girl: you mean the V?

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Woman enters gynecologist office: Man: YO I am the vaginator! Woman: Vaginator? Man: You know, the guy that is gonna fu.. I mean study your pussy with the long hard spear and see if your juices are okay and stuff... Woman: HuuuuuuuH? Moral: Writing this makes me understand why some women dont exactly enjoy a trip to the "Vaginator" so I forgot the moral and the point... my sympaties though...

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Man: Hi ladies I am back for more if you know what I mean ;) Ladies: Get lost you damn hippie! The seventies are over! Man: Whaaat? I died for your sins you know! Moral: Ever heard of Jesus`s ladyfriends? There, now you see what I mean.

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Do you work for UPS? 'Cause i could swear that you were checking out my package.

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A Kid goes to Band Camp and comes back noticeably better at the Trumpet.

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Your breast is like a beer holder, you would allow me to store beer in between your breasts, while I talk on the phone

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Ugly begins with U. But awesome ends with ME.

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hi how u doin fine and u well bii have a nice day DONT TELL ME WHAT TO DO

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Have you been followed? 'Cuz i've been seeing people behind your back.

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greetings clarisse...

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- You look really nice - I know

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Did it hurt when you burst through the concrete emerging from hell? Yes, yes it did.

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Boy: Hey girl, do you wanna play hard to get? Girl: No. Boy: That's the spirit!

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-Hey, do you have a cat? -Why do you ask? -Because I'd love to pet your pussy. -Well, that makes two of us.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!