Roses are red. Violets are blue I have a gun Get in the van

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You have the nicest smile I could ever hope to come across.

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Real life again: I was about sixteen: Girl: Hey I hear you are good at tekken tag! Me: Yeah, but I dont play videogames anymore (a lie in order to appear "cooler") Girl: I am pretty good too! I love Kuma and Panda Me: Well, okay... Girl: Want to play with me? Me: Meh... Girl: But I really want to play with you if you know what I mean ;) Me: I dont play tekken... Girl: Not even... "Tekken" ;) ;) Me: Nah... Moral: I am a late bloomer to say the least...

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A guy asks a girl in the bar if he can buy her a drink she denies saying that alcohol is bad for her legs the guy asks why do they swell? No. they spread.

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Are you a fart? Because you just blew me away.

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Did it hurt when you burst through the concrete emerging from hell? Yes, yes it did.

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Close you`re eyes and open you`re mouth. *unzips pants*

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Look at the keyboard, u and i are together. Look underneath, it says jk.

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Are you on your period, because there's a blood stain on your pants

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The word of the day is 'legs' , The word of tomorrow is Aardvark .

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Hey girl... U remind me of my pinkie toe.. Ur small cite and I'll probably bang u on the coffee table later

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Have you been followed? 'Cuz i've been seeing people behind your back.

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put you in between F and CK.

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-Wanna have sex? -No -Damn

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Im like a thief and ill steal your virginity!

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I don't have a library card but do you mind if I check you out?

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Guy: So how about that Tom Cruise??? Guy: ... I'm in the wrong type of bar...

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You're one-in-a-million. That means there is roughly 7,000 people exactly like you in the world.

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-Do you like me? -No

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Haven't we met somewheer before? Yes, son.

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Girl: "In all of my years, I've never laid eyes on a more attractive, sensitive, and understanding man. With all of my heart, I adore you. Your eyes are pools of heavenly water, teeming with life and love; your succulent smile crafted as elegantly as Mona Lisa's. Your words could move nations; your voice could soothe beasts. Do me the ultimate pleasure of accepting my eternal devotion to you." Boy: "I'm gay."

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Hey can I have your number? No.

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hi how u doin fine and u well bii have a nice day DONT TELL ME WHAT TO DO

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-Are you an angel? -Yeah...actually I am. I remember you-aren't you the guy that fell out of heaven? So THAT'S why your face is so screwed up.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!