Guy: So how about that Tom Cruise??? Guy: ... I'm in the wrong type of bar...

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Ugly begins with U. But awesome ends with ME.

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-Wanna have sex? -No -Damn

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Got milk? Cuz baby, im of it!

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Penis. I got it

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put you in between F and CK.

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You're so beautiful you could be a tree... Or a high class prostitute

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Boy: Do u have a pen? Girl: Yeah, here Boy: Umm..its out of ink Girl: What? Boy: It doesn't work Girl: R u sure? Boy: Don't believe me? Fine, u try it... Go on, write your cell phone number right here....

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A Kid goes to Band Camp and comes back noticeably better at the Trumpet.

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greetings clarisse...

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You have the nicest smile I could ever hope to come across.

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Boy: Hey girl, do you wanna play hard to get? Girl: No. Boy: That's the spirit!

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boy: you remind me of the 20 letters of the alphabet girl: there's 26 boy: how could I forget U R A Q T girl: that's 5 boy: you can get the D later girl: you mean the V?

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Are you cute? Because lets go get taco bell.

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Did it hurt when you burst through the concrete emerging from hell? Yes, yes it did.

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Do you work for UPS? 'Cause i could swear that you were checking out my package.

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Are you a fart? Because you just blew me away.

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I dont have sex on the first date - only if the opportunity comes

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Woman enters gynecologist office: Man: YO I am the vaginator! Woman: Vaginator? Man: You know, the guy that is gonna fu.. I mean study your pussy with the long hard spear and see if your juices are okay and stuff... Woman: HuuuuuuuH? Moral: Writing this makes me understand why some women dont exactly enjoy a trip to the "Vaginator" so I forgot the moral and the point... my sympaties though...

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him: your like the sun in the morning. her: that so sweet! him: Your very big and i can even stare at you for more then 2 secondes.

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Man: Hi ladies I am back for more if you know what I mean ;) Ladies: Get lost you damn hippie! The seventies are over! Man: Whaaat? I died for your sins you know! Moral: Ever heard of Jesus`s ladyfriends? There, now you see what I mean.

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Ever kissed a bunny inbetween the ears? Nope. I'm allergic to them.

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Have you been followed? 'Cuz i've been seeing people behind your back.

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- You look really nice - I know

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!