Am I having a erection or am I just glad to see you? Moral: My d1ck in my hand is HARDly a better option than my d1ck in a bush.

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boy: you remind me of the 20 letters of the alphabet girl: there's 26 boy: how could I forget U R A Q T girl: that's 5 boy: you can get the D later girl: you mean the V?

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Are your prices by the hour

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Are you cute? Because lets go get taco bell.

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Roses are red. Violets are blue I have a gun Get in the van

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I am sick of pretty girls, I want something sick smelly disgusting, fat or anorexic, with a personality that kills flowers and that makes me vomit... I guess you will have to do for now. :( Moral: At least she was not the perfect match huh? Always look at the bright side of eternal darkness.

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Real life again. I was about twenty and things where going on really well with a shy Swedish girl... Me: Hey, my name is Axel, you know, like Axel Rose? ;) She: I hate that guy! Me: Me too! She: Are you being fake? I dont want to talk to you anymore. Me: No wait I really hate him! She: So desperate... (pats me on the head and leaves me feeling pretty stupid) Moral: Last time I used that one, I hate Axel Rose and I hate my parents naming me after that bastard

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*Boy looks at cloth* -Does this smell like chlorophorm?

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Ugly begins with U. But awesome ends with ME.

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haha

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Talk to me or I'll burn your face with this acid.

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Boy: Hey girl, do you wanna play hard to get? Girl: No. Boy: That's the spirit!

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hey did you fall from heaven? because my car is all smashed up.

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Female: Hey do you wanna buy me a drink? Male: I really don't like your face.

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Do you want to dance No I suppose a blow job is out of the question then

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Hello my name is Horny and... oops... I got it wrong didn't I?

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"Have you ever seen a 2-incher?"

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Hey, you're cute... lets bang.

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I love you more than my jar of fingers.

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Guy: Did it hurt? Girl: Did what hurt? Guy: When you fell from the whore tree and banged every guy on the way down

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By reason or by Strength, moral man has a serious side too, and I prevail. Moral: Threats... anyone in my unit threatening another would simply be thrown in jail for a couple of weeks, then kicked out, and using military equipment to threaten, trace and murder people is highly illegal. Asshole, troll or not, I will use my right and reason to have you removed permanently from the horsehead network if you persist.

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Hey you must be Jabba the slut from Starwars... why are you crying? Moral: Moral is half the battle

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have a gun, Get in the car.

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*on Halloween* Male: My name's Dick, and you're a very pretty PUSSY-cat. Female: I'll cut off your penis.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!