Those pants are very becoming on you, of course if i were on you id be cu.mm.ing too

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Five dollar women... WOO!

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Hey wanna smash pissers?

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- you are in my mind everyday - and your in my way

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Hey baby, if I could rearrange the alphabet U and I would have sex.

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A. If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together. B. Oh really? Well, if I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put N and O together. Oh wait -- they're already there. Huh.

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What's a good comeback if a guy asked me "Bring me a sandwich"?? -COmeback with the goddamn sandwich

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What happens if an Internet troll has a heart attack Doesn't matter nobody will care

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Is it true you black men are as hung as a horse? Uh lady, no idea I like ignore their stuff. Yeah but you know, I seen a lot of them and they are huge and look salty an... Woman! Im so outta here! Moral: Now the man is goin! C-C-C-COMBO BREAKER!

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Ma'am, I'm sorry I'd like to ask a favour. Yes? Well, my penis died and I was wondering if I could bury it in your vagina?

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if u were a triangle u'd be an obtuse one fat ass

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Guy: Hey baby, you must be a general, because you're making my PRIVATES stand at attention! Girl: Hmm..they're still a MAJOR disappointment.

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Man: (Ugh worst food ever). Girl: U like it? Man: I love it girl! Girl: Aww, I am gonna make this every day ever! Moral: Hey, if she got big tits, then keep lying.

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Her: Guess what? Him: What? Her Yo Mama! Him: Is she that slut i did last night?

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hey Herpes Go Away!

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Are you a parking ticket? Cause you got fine written all over you.

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male: hey i like you can i have your number female: what number? male: your pin number i want your money

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Me 17 years old: Hey, girl, you are hot how old are you? Girl: 14. Me: What but you have enormous... Never mind, uh nice evening huh?... My friend: Big boobs on er huh? I would have hit on her too had it not been for... Me: Shut up... Crap! Moral: That was a crappy day!

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-If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together -The order of the alphabet is arbitrary. It's not my fault that you kept U and I apart.

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M: You make me wanna be a terrorist! W: Why? M: I so wanna blow on you right now...

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Man - How was your trip from heaven? Woman - Great... until now.

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Do you have Groupon? *wait for response* Because you look fucking cheap

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"Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?"

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If you were homework, I would slam you on my table and do you all night long.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!