hey girl, were you in 9/11? cause I'll never forget you.

thumb_up thumb_down +34

You have the nicest smile I could ever hope to come across.

thumb_up thumb_down +91

-Are you an angel? -Yeah...actually I am. I remember you-aren't you the guy that fell out of heaven? So THAT'S why your face is so screwed up.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Penis. I got it

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Van what van? GET TO THE CHOPPAH!

thumb_up thumb_down -47

Haven't we met somewheer before? Yes, son.

thumb_up thumb_down -165

him: your like the sun in the morning. her: that so sweet! him: Your very big and i can even stare at you for more then 2 secondes.

thumb_up thumb_down -142

Boy: Do u have a pen? Girl: Yeah, here Boy: Umm..its out of ink Girl: What? Boy: It doesn't work Girl: R u sure? Boy: Don't believe me? Fine, u try it... Go on, write your cell phone number right here....

thumb_up thumb_down +65

Dont let this rape turn into a murder

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Hey, I just met you, and this is crazy, but here's my number, so shove it up your A$$.

thumb_up thumb_down -53

Whats yo sign? Do not enter!

thumb_up thumb_down -61

all in all it was a good orgy

thumb_up thumb_down +198

On line post: Woman: HELLO! I love you, I am from Russia and find you particularly handsome and rich I am certain you could take care of me and I will do anything for you ;) here are some nice pictures I have never met someone as fantastic as you please contact me! (revealing pictures.gif) additional information: This message has been sent to 100.000 other recipients. FAIL! Moral: And I had not even moved out from my parents home yet... rich enough my ass...

thumb_up thumb_down -46

Try to put your arm around her. If she pushes you away, then say: "Relax! Relax. I'll pay for the first abortion!"

thumb_up thumb_down +111

Ever kissed a bunny inbetween the ears? Nope. I'm allergic to them.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Do you want to dance No I suppose a blow job is out of the question then

thumb_up thumb_down -43

Man: "Did you fall from heaven? 'Cause it looks like you landed on your face"

thumb_up thumb_down +200

At a bar (another real life one): Man: You sort of look like a woman from a certain angle... I am so drunk I can pretend you are a woman all night long! ????: I AM A WOMAN! Man: How can we fix this so you can come home with me? Moral: Becoming unpopular was my goal, but third next to Justin Beiber? Maybe I overdid this a bit...

thumb_up thumb_down +116

Am I having a erection or am I just glad to see you? Moral: My d1ck in my hand is HARDly a better option than my d1ck in a bush.

thumb_up thumb_down +104

Guy: Hey want to hear a joke about my penis? No wait it's too long Girl: Hey want to hear a joke about my vagina? No wait you won't get it.

thumb_up thumb_down -96

Are you a parking ticket because I'm spending all my money on you and wish you were gone.

thumb_up thumb_down +213

You're so beautiful you could be a tree... Or a high class prostitute

thumb_up thumb_down +101

Talk to me or I'll burn your face with this acid.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

-What's your favorite color? -bl... -mine too! Let's f***

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!