- You look really nice - I know

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-Hey, do you have a cat? -Why do you ask? -Because I'd love to pet your pussy. -Well, that makes two of us.

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Hey baby, do you play soccer? Because I think I'm gonna score tonight. ... Well, you can't score if the player ain't no good.

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Guy: what do this pickup line and your face have in common? Girl: what? Guy: they are both poorly constructed.

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boy: you remind me of the 20 letters of the alphabet girl: there's 26 boy: how could I forget U R A Q T girl: that's 5 boy: you can get the D later girl: you mean the V?

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put you in between F and CK.

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Ugly begins with U. But awesome ends with ME.

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Guy: Hey want to hear a joke about my penis? No wait it's too long Girl: Hey want to hear a joke about my vagina? No wait you won't get it.

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Boy: Hey girl, do you wanna play hard to get? Girl: No. Boy: That's the spirit!

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Roses are red. Violets are blue I have a gun Get in the van

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Am I having a erection or am I just glad to see you? Moral: My d1ck in my hand is HARDly a better option than my d1ck in a bush.

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I love you more than my jar of fingers.

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*Boy looks at cloth* -Does this smell like chlorophorm?

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Do you want to dance No I suppose a blow job is out of the question then

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Are you cute? Because lets go get taco bell.

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Hello my name is Horny and... oops... I got it wrong didn't I?

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Talk to me or I'll burn your face with this acid.

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Hey, you're cute... lets bang.

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By reason or by Strength, moral man has a serious side too, and I prevail. Moral: Threats... anyone in my unit threatening another would simply be thrown in jail for a couple of weeks, then kicked out, and using military equipment to threaten, trace and murder people is highly illegal. Asshole, troll or not, I will use my right and reason to have you removed permanently from the horsehead network if you persist.

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"Have you ever seen a 2-incher?"

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Male: Hey baby you wanna play telephone, i got the string and you got the cans! Female: ...

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At a bar (another real life one): Man: You sort of look like a woman from a certain angle... I am so drunk I can pretend you are a woman all night long! ????: I AM A WOMAN! Man: How can we fix this so you can come home with me? Moral: Becoming unpopular was my goal, but third next to Justin Beiber? Maybe I overdid this a bit...

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Roses are red. Violets are blue. I have a mac10. GET IN THE VAN.

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hey did you fall from heaven? because my car is all smashed up.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!