Business Y U No Advertise?

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Id catch a grenade for ya, but you won't do the same

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Guy: Hey baby, did you come by car? Girl: No I walked. Guy: Well I can make you come in mine.

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"You look like an angel that fell from heaven and hit its face on the pavement."

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M: Hey whats up? W: My Dick!

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If I could rearrange the alphabet i would pass on it.

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What's a good comeback if a guy asked me "Bring me a sandwich"?? -COmeback with the goddamn sandwich

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your so beautiful im blinded! aww really?! no. i was kidding. im just blind.

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Did you just fart? Cause it smells like shit in here

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At a bar... sigh... Woman: Hey cutie wanna go home? "Man" hello I am twelve... what is this? Moral: Hello I am eight... what is this?

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Real life number XX: Girl: I will only sleep with you if you bring along your hot friend over there. Me: Uh, like a threesome with a guy? Uh... Maybe let me think about it... At nighttime: Me: Hey Tobias, she said yes about screwing with me if you join in, but I swear I will kick your ass if you touch me! Tobias: Like if I touch you sexually? Me: Yeah! duh! Tobias: WHY?! Not even like a little? Moral: Not as much a anti-joke as the weirdest thing I ever experienced...

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Man: Do you want to have sex at my house Women: No

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Guy - Do you want to go outside and play R-a-p-e? Girl - No, Guy - That's the spirit

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Do you believe in angels? Cool, what about goblins?

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Were your parents chemists? cuz you look like TEST TUBE BABY :D

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Are you a broom? Cause you look like a rather dull, inanimate object that collects dust.

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I AM FAGNETO! WELCOME TO GAY!

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Me 17 years old: Hey, girl, you are hot how old are you? Girl: 14. Me: What but you have enormous... Never mind, uh nice evening huh?... My friend: Big boobs on er huh? I would have hit on her too had it not been for... Me: Shut up... Crap! Moral: That was a crappy day!

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Man: Hey, I'm Red. You like to walk? Woman: No. I prefer to run. Away from you

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-Want to get on your knees and suck my dick? -No thanks, I have enough Tic Tacs at home.

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"Next!"

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"Can I buy you a drink or do I have to have sex with you first?"

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Me: Honestly, I just want to RAPING you. Woman: YES PLEASE! Me: Fuck off its not RAPING it its consensual... Moral: Yeah sometimes they say yes, its when they say no I become shadow made flesh... ...And wait for you... Am I here?... NOPE Ill get you rawr I will now stalk you silently for hours... days... Anyway im bored your nothing ... Moral: SAY YES YOU MUCKING MIDIOT!

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- OMG, OMG, OMG, Terry finally said he will go out with me! -OMG, When? -February 30th! -Stacey, There is no February 30th.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!