Guy - Do you want to go outside and play R-a-p-e? Girl - No, Guy - That's the spirit

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Male: Do you know if there is an airport around here? Cause my heart took off, when I saw you... Female: Yeah? Well my heart crashed in the Hudson River when I saw you!

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I AM FAGNETO! WELCOME TO GAY!

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-Want to get on your knees and suck my dick? -No thanks, I have enough Tic Tacs at home.

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Were your parents chemists? cuz you look like TEST TUBE BABY :D

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What's a good comeback if a guy asked me "Bring me a sandwich"?? -COmeback with the goddamn sandwich

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Man: Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

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"You look like an angel that fell from heaven and hit its face on the pavement."

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Id catch a grenade for ya, but you won't do the same

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Guy: Hey baby, did you come by car? Girl: No I walked. Guy: Well I can make you come in mine.

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Male: Did you get your tickes to the barbercue? Female: What barbercue? Male: The barbercue where i put my meat on your face.

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Do you believe in angels? Cool, what about goblins?

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here's 20p, phone your Mum... she'll be the last person you ever speak to so be nice

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On your mark, get set, suck my dick.

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Man: Do you want to have sex at my house Women: No

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Man: Hey, I'm Red. You like to walk? Woman: No. I prefer to run. Away from you

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Did you just fart? Cause it smells like shit in here

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At a bar... sigh... Woman: Hey cutie wanna go home? "Man" hello I am twelve... what is this? Moral: Hello I am eight... what is this?

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i would traval the earth for you. well then im going to the moon.

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your so beautiful im blinded! aww really?! no. i was kidding. im just blind.

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"Can I buy you a drink or do I have to have sex with you first?"

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M: Hey whats up? W: My Dick!

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Man: (puts on a stern face and mans up) Hey you random hoe, wanna have sex? Woman: Sigh... sure why not... at least you dont play games. Man: WHAT? IT WORKED? IT WORKEEEEED?! OMG truCKINg goD wOooooot wooooooot hell I aM gonna get laid tonight it finally worked yaehaieHeiAHEIHAIEHIAHE Wootowtowot I AM GONNA LOSE MY VIRGI... Woman: never mind, you are too noisy... Moral: Desperation... harder to hide than you think..

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Me 17 years old: Hey, girl, you are hot how old are you? Girl: 14. Me: What but you have enormous... Never mind, uh nice evening huh?... My friend: Big boobs on er huh? I would have hit on her too had it not been for... Me: Shut up... Crap! Moral: That was a crappy day!

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!