-My girlfriend and I want different things out of our relationship. -She wants marriage, children and a house. -I just want out.

Boy: Is your mom mexican? Girl: No/Yes why? Boy: Just wondering.

-Can I have your number? -Can my boyfriend punch you in the face?

Can I have this dance? Sure just give me a minute to load my gun

-Get in the Van

Girl: "In all of my years, I've never laid eyes on a more attractive, sensitive, and understanding man. With all of my heart, I adore you. Your eyes are pools of heavenly water, teeming with life and love; your succulent smile crafted as elegantly as Mona Lisa's. Your words could move nations; your voice could soothe beasts. Do me the ultimate pleasure of accepting my eternal devotion to you." Boy: "I'm gay."

-Are you an angel? -Yeah...actually I am. I remember you-aren't you the guy that fell out of heaven? So THAT'S why your face is so screwed up.

How do you get a black man out of a tree? Ask him nicely to come down, and if that doesn't work, he will most likely stay up there.

Would you like to be the lone mother of my children?

-how much does a polar bear way. -half as much as you (for fat girls)

Woman: ARGH! I hate fist-ing Man: Fist-Ing? THis tiny hand? Nah baby this is mah PINGAS! Moral: Once you go black, you cant go back.

guy: hey do you know how to sly a dragon? girl:No. guy: well your no help.

How much does a polar bear weigh? I don't know. Quite a lot, actually.

Girl: Wanna see my dick? Man: WHAT? Moral: This actually started out as me just mixing up the girl and guy part...

hello my name is pogo would you like to jump on my stick?

- I'd go to the end of the world for you - Good,Stay There

"Do you have a map? I'm getting lost in your eyes." "They always say that before they go to sleep."

Are you a unicorn cause u sure look horny girl:are u a turtle cause ur really slow ur the 10th guy to hit on me.....in 5 minutes

Pick up lines from the stoneage: Man: RARGH GROG BEAT YOU WITH CLUB! AND MAKE THE LITTLE GROGS WITH YOU! Woman: But I just had one! Aww not this again whatever... Moral: And over time women adjusted to clubs and often end up knocked up when passing out in them, While men that own their own clubs usually end up knocking up a lot more of them... Some things never change...

Man: did you just fart cuz you blew me away! Woman: actually I did, sorry if it smells I had enchiladas for lunch.

imgonna r@pe you

I like your eyes. My eyes don't like you.

male:hey what that between your leggs female: my sisters penis

what goes up and down , side to side all the time? a compass get your mind out of the gudder.

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!