Hey baby, you must be a light switch, cuz every time I see you, you turn me on! Great! Maybe next time I'll electrocute you to death!

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have a gun, Get in the car.

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At a bar. M: I so wanna sex you! W: What? :) M: What part of sex did you not get? VAGINA! W: You have problems with your heart? (angina) :( M: Stop screwing with me bitch! W: I dont have no itch... :/ *The man gets insulted and leaves* Woman: Cute guy, I wish I wasn't nearly deaf though... Moral "patience is a virtue?" Hell no! The guy got laid with 6 women that day so the moral is "The more people listen to what you have to say, the more you will get laid this day, and a deaf woman is a challenge if she aint your way"

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Mirrors can't talk, luckily for you they can't laugh either

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Man: "Did you fall from heaven? 'Cause it looks like you landed on your face"

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How do you get a black man out of a tree? Ask him nicely to come down, and if that doesn't work, he will most likely stay up there.

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Him: I've got something that will fill you up. Her: Sorry, I'm looking for a meal, not an appetizer.

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I like your eyes. My eyes don't like you.

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Q: What has 132 teeth and holds back the Incredible Hulk? A: My zipper.

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Boy: whats your name? Girl: i dont know, im just s fetus

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Hey girl... U remind me of my pinkie toe.. Ur small cite and I'll probably bang u on the coffee table later

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Hey! Doesn't this rag smell of chloroform?

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Man: Hey, I'm Red. You like to walk? Woman: No. I prefer to run. Away from you

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Guy- I would do anything for you. Women- I wouldn't do you for anything!

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Boy: Is your mom mexican? Girl: No/Yes why? Boy: Just wondering.

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imgonna r@pe you

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Girl: Wanna see my dick? Man: WHAT? Moral: This actually started out as me just mixing up the girl and guy part...

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-My girlfriend and I want different things out of our relationship. -She wants marriage, children and a house. -I just want out.

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Do you like a trimmed bush? Because I'm a gardener. Here's my business card, call me, seriously I need the work.

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What did you do to Kelly? Why? Because she said you did her good(; What? Cuz' I heard you did that goood thing(; When? Last night on the bed, 3am(;

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-Can I have your number? -Can my boyfriend punch you in the face?

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guy: hey do you know how to sly a dragon? girl:No. guy: well your no help.

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"Do you have a map? I'm getting lost in your eyes." "They always say that before they go to sleep."

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So I caught my sister masturbating the other day, it was like lol hahaha you filthy bitch! Then she was like DONT TELL ANYBODY PLEASE I WILL BUY YOU THOSE BOXING GLOVES YOU WANTED SO MUCH! PLEASE! And I was like, NUHUUUH! The bed is full of piss and I totally got this on my cellphone, so you gonna pull up your panti... Oh you still looking for them LOL! Yeah, that was the subject I brought up at a bar... Sober, unless Redbull counts as drunk... Anti Pickupline as FUCK! Players Dont Use RedBull -Richard Nixon or whatever.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!