Girl, do you believe in love by first sight? Uh maybe... Okay, let me see if those titties of you are real or wonderbra or silicone or whatever... Moral: You are fantastic, you know who you remind me of? Myself ;)

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Do you like a trimmed bush? Because I'm a gardener. Here's my business card, call me, seriously I need the work.

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What did you do to Kelly? Why? Because she said you did her good(; What? Cuz' I heard you did that goood thing(; When? Last night on the bed, 3am(;

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Mirrors can't talk, luckily for you they can't laugh either

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all in all it was a good orgy

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Q: What has 132 teeth and holds back the Incredible Hulk? A: My zipper.

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Yeah! Keep drinking girl! Ill just lube your backdoor, what? Dont ask, just drink! Moral: I love it when women call me a pig, all men are pigs, and real women dont want some boy...

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Hey baby, you must be a light switch, cuz every time I see you, you turn me on! Great! Maybe next time I'll electrocute you to death!

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-Are you an angel? -Yeah...actually I am. I remember you-aren't you the guy that fell out of heaven? So THAT'S why your face is so screwed up.

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Hey! Doesn't this rag smell of chloroform?

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-My girlfriend and I want different things out of our relationship. -She wants marriage, children and a house. -I just want out.

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Boy: Is your mom mexican? Girl: No/Yes why? Boy: Just wondering.

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hello my name is pogo would you like to jump on my stick?

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How do you get a black man out of a tree? Ask him nicely to come down, and if that doesn't work, he will most likely stay up there.

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Guy: Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Girl: No, but it will hurt when I pepper spray you.

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Man: Hey, I'm Red. You like to walk? Woman: No. I prefer to run. Away from you

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Nice Shirt. It would look better on my bedroom floor.

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Girl: Wanna see my dick? Man: WHAT? Moral: This actually started out as me just mixing up the girl and guy part...

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guy: hey do you know how to sly a dragon? girl:No. guy: well your no help.

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-Can I have your number? -Can my boyfriend punch you in the face?

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-Get in the Van

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Can I have this dance? Sure just give me a minute to load my gun

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-how much does a polar bear way. -half as much as you (for fat girls)

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"Do you have a map? I'm getting lost in your eyes." "They always say that before they go to sleep."

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!