Dude: Do you have insurance on you ass? Gal: Why? Dude: Because Im about to hit it. Gal: I hope you have insurance on your face (punch).

thumb_up thumb_down -77

Male: Did you get your tickes to the barbercue? Female: What barbercue? Male: The barbercue where i put my meat on your face.

thumb_up thumb_down +142

BOY: Are you thinking what im thinking? GIRL: I dont know, what are you thinking? BOY: both of our bum cracks smell like buttery popcorn, i like popcorn :)

thumb_up thumb_down +66

In a classy bar: KEEP IT CLASSY! Man: Hello there dear... your eyes sparkle like the sun itself... Woman: Oh... thank you random stranger, that is the most beautiful thing someone have ever said to me :D Man: Really? But you are gorgeous (the two proceed to have a long CLASSY conversation and laughing in a classy reserved matter and drinking classy champagne and whatever... and then: Man: Ahahaha yes that is indeed true... By the way... would you mind becoming the single lonely mother of my children? Moral: skipped most of school classes... class ... overrated...

thumb_up thumb_down +26

here's 20p, phone your Mum... she'll be the last person you ever speak to so be nice

thumb_up thumb_down +16

"Hey girl, is there a mirror in your pants?" "No, that's just my penis."

thumb_up thumb_down -80

I like your shirt, it would look better in my pants

thumb_up thumb_down -158

Woman: Seriously you are like the perfect man, I barely even met you and want to marry you already! What is your name by the way? Guy: My name is Le Petite Chessedeburger Withnowhitesauce! Woman: I am gay by the way, gotta go feed my uh... my wife yeah my wife.

thumb_up thumb_down +175

If you were attacked by a bear with chainsaw arms i hope it stays away from your face, because I think you're cute.

thumb_up thumb_down +55

Did it hurt? Did what hurt? When you fell from heaven.. and crushed all the people below (for a fat girl)

thumb_up thumb_down -27

Female: Hey do you wanna buy me a drink? Male: I really don't like your face.

thumb_up thumb_down -125

On your mark, get set, suck my dick.

thumb_up thumb_down -163

Him: Has anyone ever told you that you are absolutely beautifull...?? Her: (smiles) and says no.. Him: there is a good reaseon for that..

thumb_up thumb_down +130

Damn girl! You`re fat and ugly! its ok though, cuz Im desperate!

thumb_up thumb_down +56

i would traval the earth for you. well then im going to the moon.

thumb_up thumb_down +36

Man: (puts on a stern face and mans up) Hey you random hoe, wanna have sex? Woman: Sigh... sure why not... at least you dont play games. Man: WHAT? IT WORKED? IT WORKEEEEED?! OMG truCKINg goD wOooooot wooooooot hell I aM gonna get laid tonight it finally worked yaehaieHeiAHEIHAIEHIAHE Wootowtowot I AM GONNA LOSE MY VIRGI... Woman: never mind, you are too noisy... Moral: Desperation... harder to hide than you think..

thumb_up thumb_down -16

At a ... PUB! Man: Hey... wanna... go out with a true shinob i ninja? ;) Woman: Are you not supposed to be invisible or something? Man: You can see me? SHIT! (runs away). Moral: So what if she saw you you are all covered in a pajamas anyways...

thumb_up thumb_down -102

Wherever: Hi I am Tom Green! or Hey there, I am Jamie Kennedy! Moral: Hey there I am neither one of them, I am however the worlds third most pointless invention according to this site. (well strictly spoken, I am a lawyer, lol self irony)

thumb_up thumb_down +141

why can't a black person play baseball because the steal bases

thumb_up thumb_down +103

- If you were a booger I'd pick you first - If you were a booger I'd throw you away...

thumb_up thumb_down +99

Girl: I like a romantic man. Man: oh yes? Girl: Yeah he would have to sing to me... Man: Ehem... cough... okay here goes:Madness? Madness! Madness? Madness! Girl: What? Man: THIS IS SPARTA! THIS IS SPARTA! A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A A-A-A-A-A! THIS IS SPARTA! THIS IS SPARTA! THIS IS SPARTA! THIS IS SPARTA! A-A-A.... Girl: EEEK MY EARS! *runs away* Man: Wait where are you going I am not even finished singing my youtube sparta mix!! Moral: When its hot, they pinch back, *wheeze*

thumb_up thumb_down +170

Man: If I ask you to go on a date, would the answer to that question be the same as the answer to this one? Woman: (pause) Rape!

thumb_up thumb_down +104

Did you fall from heaven? Cause the ground around you looks like it's cracked.

thumb_up thumb_down +90

Man: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put U and I together Woman: What does ui spell?

thumb_up thumb_down +88

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!