Do you believe in angels? Cool, what about goblins?

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your so beautiful im blinded! aww really?! no. i was kidding. im just blind.

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Real life number XX: Girl: I will only sleep with you if you bring along your hot friend over there. Me: Uh, like a threesome with a guy? Uh... Maybe let me think about it... At nighttime: Me: Hey Tobias, she said yes about screwing with me if you join in, but I swear I will kick your ass if you touch me! Tobias: Like if I touch you sexually? Me: Yeah! duh! Tobias: WHY?! Not even like a little? Moral: Not as much a anti-joke as the weirdest thing I ever experienced...

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Online Desperate Asians.com Man: Wow you are a cute asian girl! Where are you from? Girl: Thanks my name Aoi is I am from Japan, you look like nice older man! Man: Japan? Awesome! Remember when we nuked the hell out of your country? Happy days! SLAP A JAP! *Connection discontinued* Man: Eh really sorry, I just get nervous when I meet girls especially the cutest ones... Man: hello?

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At a bar... sigh... Woman: Hey cutie wanna go home? "Man" hello I am twelve... what is this? Moral: Hello I am eight... what is this?

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Do you have an STD? No. DO you want one??

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If you were attacked by a bear with chainsaw arms i hope it stays away from your face, because I think you're cute.

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Are you from Tennessee? Because we are both in Tennessee and I thought asking where you grew up would be a good way to get to know you better.

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Do you work at Subway, because you're giving me a footlong. No actually, I once had a job at a local Quizno's Sub Shop. However a tragic fire killed several employees and customers at this very location. I survived, but lost have permanent Third-Degree burns across my body. My life is ruined, prick.

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Jdkfk

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Id catch a grenade for ya, but you won't do the same

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Guy: Hey baby, did you come by car? Girl: No I walked. Guy: Well I can make you come in mine.

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why can't a black person play baseball because the steal bases

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male: hey wanna ride female: STRANGER DANGER!

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I want to F*** you with a rake.

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-Want to get on your knees and suck my dick? -No thanks, I have enough Tic Tacs at home.

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I just shat my pants..... can I get in yours?

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Guy - Do you want to go outside and play R-a-p-e? Girl - No, Guy - That's the spirit

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roses are red, violets are blue, i have some money, how much are you?

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Are you an electrician? Cuz' you turn me on.

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G: YOU KILLED MY FATHER! M: Yes yes I killed my father too, but you do not see me whining about it... M: So ... wanna date? I am quite the Male Bison in bed ;) G:NOOOOO! M: Just get in the damn plane! G: BISOOOOOOOOOOOON!

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Every girl wants to be swept off her feet... It's when you put her in the trunk of your car that she starts to freak out.

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Guy: Have you ever been surfing? Girl: No; Yes Guy: Wanna surf in my jizz?

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Roses are red violets are blue this isn't a poem I'm a botanist.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!