Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have a gun, Get in the car.

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-Girl I'd go through anything for you. -Good than go through a blender!

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Mirrors can't talk, luckily for you they can't laugh either

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Hey baby, you must be a light switch, cuz every time I see you, you turn me on! Great! Maybe next time I'll electrocute you to death!

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Man: "Did you fall from heaven? 'Cause it looks like you landed on your face"

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How do you get a black man out of a tree? Ask him nicely to come down, and if that doesn't work, he will most likely stay up there.

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Him: I've got something that will fill you up. Her: Sorry, I'm looking for a meal, not an appetizer.

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Q: What has 132 teeth and holds back the Incredible Hulk? A: My zipper.

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Boy: whats your name? Girl: i dont know, im just s fetus

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Hey! Doesn't this rag smell of chloroform?

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I like your eyes. My eyes don't like you.

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Guy- I would do anything for you. Women- I wouldn't do you for anything!

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Man: Hey, I'm Red. You like to walk? Woman: No. I prefer to run. Away from you

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Boy: Is your mom mexican? Girl: No/Yes why? Boy: Just wondering.

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Hey girl... U remind me of my pinkie toe.. Ur small cite and I'll probably bang u on the coffee table later

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imgonna r@pe you

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Girl: Wanna see my dick? Man: WHAT? Moral: This actually started out as me just mixing up the girl and guy part...

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-My girlfriend and I want different things out of our relationship. -She wants marriage, children and a house. -I just want out.

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Do you like a trimmed bush? Because I'm a gardener. Here's my business card, call me, seriously I need the work.

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What did you do to Kelly? Why? Because she said you did her good(; What? Cuz' I heard you did that goood thing(; When? Last night on the bed, 3am(;

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guy: hey do you know how to sly a dragon? girl:No. guy: well your no help.

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"Do you have a map? I'm getting lost in your eyes." "They always say that before they go to sleep."

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Would you like to be the lone mother of my children?

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-Can I have your number? -Can my boyfriend punch you in the face?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!