- Anti-Pickup Line

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

I just shat my pants..... can I get in yours?

Billy Hill: Man...THAT WAS GOOD SEX! I am glad I did not just bring one of those bitches that I usually drag home, your great Currie... great pussy! Ok Currie time to go home! Currie: meow... Moral: And you think that by bitches he meant bad women ahahahahha... BIlly Hill! Ring a bell nao?

"Wow, you look so thin! Are you wearing a girdle?"

If I could rearrange the alphabet i would pass on it.

M. Do you want to go out with me? F. Okay but first take me to your place where we can be alone to make furious love to one another M. Wow this never happens I must be.. (Wakes up) dreaming

You have lovely eyes. They'll look better in a pile on my floor in the morning.

Guy - Do you want to go outside and play R-a-p-e? Girl - No, Guy - That's the spirit

Why don't you slip into something more comfortable? Like a coma?

Man: Lady... Seriously, I got a PhD! Woman: Seriously, you look more like an athlete, in what? Man: Lady... I got a pretty huge Richard. Moral: RICHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARDS!

M: Hey whats up? W: My Dick!

If I could rearange the alphabet id put "I-W-A-N-T-S-E-X-Y-O-U together. SIr, not really but that was kinda impressive. Me: I know...

Were your parents chemists? cuz you look like TEST TUBE BABY :D

NO WAIT SON ITS 999 FUCK COME ON! DONT GO "NERO SAYS WITH ME SON!" I mean that shit you pull on everyone, come on man, I posted wrong... Yeah your word is law and all that So can we like make a deal? You pay my repair wreck of a car and you can slash the damn tires yourself if you wanna later?

I AM FAGNETO! WELCOME TO GAY!

Whats small, rough, and painful to put in your ass? Sandpaper

BOY: Are you thinking what im thinking? GIRL: I dont know, what are you thinking? BOY: both of our bum cracks smell like buttery popcorn, i like popcorn :)

Man: Honey, I can't choose between watching golf or porn? Wife: Porn. You already know how to golf.

Female: Hey do you wanna buy me a drink? Male: I really don't like your face.

Did you just fart? Cause it smells like shit in here

Man: If I ask you to go on a date, would the answer to that question be the same as the answer to this one? Woman: (pause) Rape!

- OMG, OMG, OMG, Terry finally said he will go out with me! -OMG, When? -February 30th! -Stacey, There is no February 30th.

You look like I could use a drink - SMC Digital

Hey babe, where've you been all my life. Well let's see, I used to live up north in Newcastle then I moved to Liverpool and I'm just down here in London for one day on work.

Anti-Pickup Line

Our Updated iOS App!

The Anti Joke Book