- Anti-Pickup Line

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

Guy: Have you ever been surfing? Girl: No; Yes Guy: Wanna surf in my jizz?

You look like I could use a drink - SMC Digital

Every girl wants to be swept off her feet... It's when you put her in the trunk of your car that she starts to freak out.

Man: Lady... Seriously, I got a PhD! Woman: Seriously, you look more like an athlete, in what? Man: Lady... I got a pretty huge Richard. Moral: RICHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARDS!

roses are red violets are blue i suck at rhyming get in the van.

-Want to get on your knees and suck my dick? -No thanks, I have enough Tic Tacs at home.

Guy - Do you want to go outside and play R-a-p-e? Girl - No, Guy - That's the spirit

Are you a beaver? Because your overbite seems to be made for my wood. Moral: Take what you see, improve it, and steal the glory... We all do it... maybe not as obvious as this... but judging me badly would be hypocrisy...

A 85 year old man was at a bar, he goes up to the first hot thing he sees and asks do I come here often?

Are you a magnet, because i'm attracted to you. Yes, i am. So unless you want to have sex with metal, then i suggest you leave.

NO WAIT SON ITS 999 FUCK COME ON! DONT GO "NERO SAYS WITH ME SON!" I mean that shit you pull on everyone, come on man, I posted wrong... Yeah your word is law and all that So can we like make a deal? You pay my repair wreck of a car and you can slash the damn tires yourself if you wanna later?

Guy: Are you looking for a hot, sexy, fertile young man? Girl: No thanks, I used to be one.

Man: If I ask you to go on a date, would the answer to that question be the same as the answer to this one? Woman: (pause) Rape!

M: Hey whats up? W: My Dick!

Man, stay alive, I dont even got time to read that shit. See you around son.

"Next!"

Were your parents chemists? cuz you look like TEST TUBE BABY :D

Man: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put U and I together Woman: What does ui spell?

Q: Where did Bethany hide the dead baby? A: In the trash can

GIRL: I bet you say that to all the girls you meet. MAN: How much you want to bet? No wait, I better not make that bet. (or) MAN: Only half the ones I get this far in conversation with. The other half are a little bit easier to get in bed with.

BOY: Are you thinking what im thinking? GIRL: I dont know, what are you thinking? BOY: both of our bum cracks smell like buttery popcorn, i like popcorn :)

Anti-Pickup Line

Our Updated iOS App!

The Anti Joke Book