Your skin would make a nice coat.

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-I'm addicted to yes, and I'm allergic to no. So what's it gonna be? -I'll start dialing 911 for you now.

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You look... clean

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Don't worry, I love fat birds....why are you crying?

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Hey baby, wanna make $50?

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boy: my dick is 10 inches girl: mine's too

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That shirt looks very becoming on you, but if I were on you, I'd be coming too.

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-Did it hurt -What when i fell from heaven? -No when you fell from the ugly tree and hit every single branch on the way down

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Baby, I love every muscle in your body... Especially mine.

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Male: Haven't I seen you someplace before? Female: Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore

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man:hey can you help me look for my dog i lost him in this cheap motel room girl: oh really i didnt know rotten garbage like you actully a had a friend even if it is a pet!

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if you were my sister i'd totally get with you.

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I'm heading back to my place. You want to come? Sorry, you strike me as a person who comes all by himself.

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"Hey baby, how do you like your eggs in the morning?" "Unfertilized."

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I heard you were looking for a STUD, well I have an STD all I need is U

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Can I have your number? -I don't have one.

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-You look like a dream. -Go back to sleep.

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Does this rag smell like chloroform?

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- Your body is like a temple. - Sorry, there are no services today.

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- I may not be a genie, but I can make your dreams come true. - First wish: don't speak ever again.

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-I can see forever in your eyes. -But all I can see is never in yours.

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Your body would look good in my trunk.

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You're place or mine? Both, you go to yours and I go to mine.

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- You must be a parking ticket cause you have fine written all over you - You must be a wellfare check then.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!