-If I saw you naked, I'd die happy. -If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

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-Hey, baby, What's your sign? -Stop.

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Those must be space pants, because your ass is out of this world That must be a donkeys tongue, because its making an ass out of you.

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At bar Man: Uh... um... wanna come home see my star wars board games collection? Woman: SURE! Man: *Heart attack*

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- hey ;) - hey, yourself. - if i wanted my comeback, i would've wiped it off your mom's face.

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- Does this rag smell like ether? - MMMPPPHHRPHRRG!

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You look... clean

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Boy: If i can rearrange the keyboard, i'll put U and I next to each other Girl: It's already together dumbass

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-I better drive you home, miss. Because you're a woman and you can't drive. Get it?

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The word of the day is 'legs'. Wanna come to my place and spread the word?

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Are you an erection? 'Cause you're growing on me.

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Your skin would make a nice coat.

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boy: my dick is 10 inches girl: mine's too

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That shirt looks very becoming on you, but if I were on you, I'd be coming too.

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Baby, I love every muscle in your body... Especially mine.

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"You'll do."

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-Did it hurt -What when i fell from heaven? -No when you fell from the ugly tree and hit every single branch on the way down

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Hey baby, wanna make $50?

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man:hey can you help me look for my dog i lost him in this cheap motel room girl: oh really i didnt know rotten garbage like you actully a had a friend even if it is a pet!

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Male: Haven't I seen you someplace before? Female: Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore

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I'm heading back to my place. You want to come? Sorry, you strike me as a person who comes all by himself.

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"Hey baby, how do you like your eggs in the morning?" "Unfertilized."

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Hey baby me you CHOIN CHOIN under the moonlight..

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Does this rag smell like chloroform?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!