Baby, I love every muscle in your body... Especially mine.

-I better drive you home, miss. Because you're a woman and you can't drive. Get it?

- I may not be a genie, but I can make your dreams come true. - First wish: don't speak ever again.

Is Heaven missing an Angel? Because I have an erection.

Six simple words: I'm not gay, but I'll learn.

- You must be a parking ticket cause you have fine written all over you - You must be a wellfare check then.

You look... clean

-What`s it like being the most beautiful girl in the bar? -What`s it like being the biggest liar in the world?

Can I have your number? -I don't have one.

At bar Man: Uh... um... wanna come home see my star wars board games collection? Woman: SURE! Man: *Heart attack*

"Don't scream"

-can i buy you a drink? i buy you a taxi?

Hey baby, wanna make $50?

Does this rag smell like chloroform?

I have no gag reflex.

Damn, girl, you're hot... You look just like my mom.

Hey baby me you CHOIN CHOIN under the moonlight..

If we were confronted, by a vicious man-eating bear with chain-saws for hands and fangs, holding a hammer; than I would sincerley hope you wouldn't be harmed because you're pretty.

You're so hot I'd do you sober.

That shirt looks very becoming on you, but if I were on you, I'd be coming too.

Don't worry, I love fat birds....why are you crying?

- I can make your bed rock. - Oh yeah? An earthquake can too..

BOY-i love you GIRL-(sneezes) sorry im allergic to bullshit

M: Wanna play dynamite? W: what's that? M: I lie on my back and you blow the sh** out of me.

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!