-- Hey, can I have your number? -- 12

Man - How was your trip from heaven? Woman - Great... until now.

Hey baby, if I could rearrange the alphabet U and I would have sex.

It's not rape if you say "Surprise!"

If you were attacked by a bear with chainsaw arms i hope it stays away from your face, because I think you're cute.

Are you a parking ticket? Cause you got fine written all over you.

Your eyes are the color of my toilet water.

Guy: I lost my phone number, Can I have yours? Girl: Your phone service would help you get a new one.

Hey baby, my name is Richard Gozinia. But my friends call me Dick. Dick Gozinia.

Do you have Groupon? *wait for response* Because you look fucking cheap

"Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?"

- If you were a booger I'd pick you first - If you were a booger I'd throw you away...

M: You make me wanna be a terrorist! W: Why? M: I so wanna blow on you right now...

Skilled man enters a bar: Man: Lady, I am a scientist... Lady: So? Man: I also have black belt in several martial arts... Lady: Your point? Man: uh... I have uh... Lady: Sigh... *gets up and leaves* Moral: Knowing what and how to be attractive to women is an art on its own...

You remind me of America. How so? Because you so fat!

-I wish i were DNA helicase so i could unzip your genes. -You're a loser

Man: (Ugh worst food ever). Girl: U like it? Man: I love it girl! Girl: Aww, I am gonna make this every day ever! Moral: Hey, if she got big tits, then keep lying.

Hey, I your dad a baker?...Cuz it would be really cool if he were a baker.

Nice legs what time do they open

Guy: Have you ever been surfing? Girl: No; Yes Guy: Wanna surf in my jizz?

MAN- Wanna have sex? WOMAN- No get away from me you freak?!!! MAN- Well... I gave you a choice...

Mens most noob things to say during sex: "Thank you" "Do I really get all this for free?" "Sure you don't want me to pay you?" "MOTHER!" *crying* "You`re wet down there! Did you just pee yourself? DISGUSTING!!!" "I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!" "STOP SUCKING CUZ IM ABOUT TO CUM!!"

Are you an electrician? Cuz' you turn me on.

Hey baby, i like your hair -girl takes off wig

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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