If you were Mufasa I'd help scar push you off the ledge

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-Go on don't be shy, Ask me out. -Okay Go out.

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- hey baby i wanna show you something - wait i wanna show you something too -what is it? -my fists

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-I work for the FBI -Oh I work for the CIA, maybe we'll see each other at a meeting -Yeah I'm in the Female Body Inspector division -I'm in the Can the Idiot Absent himself division

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Superman enters a bar: Superman: Ladies... who wants to try out my newly developed "super orgasmi-power"? Women: Did you not die? Superman: Uh no... it was just a uh... healing coma... *All the women fall into a "healing coma* Superman: *scratches head* Well... I kinda asked for this... Moral:*Healing coma*

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—do you believe in love at first sight or shall I come back again? —no, and I think you shall not come back ever.

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hey, your cute. hey, your not.

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Muslim guy: "Hey can I get your number?" Chick:"Nine eleven"

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-Hey, is there a fire extinguisher around here? 'Cause you're smoking hot. -Actually, there IS a fire extinguisher. I was about to slam you in the face with it.

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You must be a parking ticket. Because you are dressed like i'd have to pay.

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I hope you know CPR, because you so ugly you take my breath away

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Q: Why are Italian girls so hairy? A: Because it turns out its a genetic predisposition in which almost all males and females have when of the Italian ethnicity, these genetics are also parts of other race types.

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Do you come here often? Because you're usually working the streets whenever I see you.

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are you from tennessee? because your license plate said it.

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Man: Hey sexy girl there... Whats your name? Cena: I am John Cena! I can rap because you can eat.. uh crap... wait I need some allsholes to write some rad lyrics for me here...

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Man: Wanna hear a joke about my C*ck, nevermind, it's too long Woman: Wanna hear a joke about my P*ssy, oh wait you'll never get it Man: It's ok, it was probably too dirty for me anyways.

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Wanna go back to my place and watch some CarVideos?

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Man: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put U and I together Woman: What does ui spell?

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Are you from tennessee? Cause you've got fine written all over you.

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Girl- Hey ily Boy- say it it just makes it that much better ;) Girl- I'm leaving you

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Ma'am, I'm sorry I'd like to ask a favour. Yes? Well, my penis died and I was wondering if I could bury it in your vagina?

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Man: Hey, I've been kinda watching you through the night and I'd really be mad if I didn't talk to you tonight. So um, do you want to grab a bite to eat sometime or something? Woman: I'm married but you seem like a nice guy so yea... yea, I'd like that alot.

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my love for you is like diarrhea. i can never hold it in

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- If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put 'U' and 'I' together. - No, it's okay. 'N' and 'O' are already together.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!