I'm jealous of every girl that hugs you, Because for that one second she held my entire world.

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Muslim guy: "Hey can I get your number?" Chick:"Nine eleven"

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How do you know where gonna have sex tonight.Im stronger than you.

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How much does a polar bear weigh? Not as much as my dick.

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Are you a broom? Cause you look like a rather dull, inanimate object that collects dust.

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Is it hot in here or are you just suffocating me in this relationship

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-don't sit on the table, people eat there! -don't sit on that chair, people sit there!

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A long time ago I had a vision of someone like you. I was in a psych ward, wearing a straight jacket. Would you like some blended cheese?

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Girl, did it hurt when you got dragged up all the way from hell? Moral: The hell with morals!

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Man: Hey I am the hunk that writes the stories with morals, and I thumb them up myself... since they mostly get thumbed down slower that way... Ladies: REALLY! WOW WE NEVER THOUGHT WE WOULD MEET A CELEBRITY! LETS HAVE AN ORGY! Man: HEY! LADIES WAIT WAIT! ONLY 8 AT THE TIME! HELP I AM GETTING GRAPED!... Anyway who am I kidding please proceed but stop fighting over the joystick I have enough joy to all thanks to my writing progress!¨ Moral: His-tory AKa My-Story, and you know that they say that the winners are the one to write history ;), and if you do not know what I mean, you are probable banging me too right now... (true story)

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Roses are red Violets are blue I'm using my hand but thinking of you ;)

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Mother: Fuck me son fuck me harder. Me: Mother no! My body is not ready aaaaaaaaaarghhh! Moral: Why do dreams have to stop when it gets good? Dont know son, ready for round two?

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man: would u please me with a blowjob girl: cant u be romantic ? man: would please me with a blowjob at the sunset

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-If I could arrange the alphabet, that would be cool.

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Are you cold? Because you're just not hot.

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Hey baby! If I said you had a good body, would you hold it against me? - [ It's unknown who originally said this. Maybe it was some rowdy guy in a 1970s disco].

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Little guy: I also beat Mike Tyson with my fists! Woman: Meh, from what I heard you beat some nobody named Mr.Dream! Little guy: Damn you Nintendo! Moral: He sure was not a big mac... more like a little ma.. baaaah you wont get it anyways!....

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Man - I hope you know CPR, because you take my breath away. Woman - Good cus' your breath stinks!

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Do you come here often? Because you're usually working the streets whenever I see you.

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- Hey baby! You make my heart beat. - Oh, well you make my stomach churn.

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Dating post: "Nice male looking for female company, I have a steady job and would prefer if you too had a job, you will be particularity happy if you have a small penis fetish. Signed BIGPENIS19INCHESJIMlight sleeper

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have a gun so get in the van.

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This tux is rented by the hour, are you?

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-Hey baby,what's your sign? (; -Do not enter. >_>

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!