If you were Mufasa I'd help scar push you off the ledge

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- hey baby i wanna show you something - wait i wanna show you something too -what is it? -my fists

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Muslim guy: "Hey can I get your number?" Chick:"Nine eleven"

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Is your father a gardener? -No, why? ..Because I was wondering what a cactus like you doing in a place like this.

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Man: Hey sexy girl there... Whats your name? Cena: I am John Cena! I can rap because you can eat.. uh crap... wait I need some allsholes to write some rad lyrics for me here...

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Male: Did you get your tickes to the barbercue? Female: What barbercue? Male: The barbercue where i put my meat on your face.

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-Hey comon baby dont be shy give me a little BlowJob -sorry im alergic to peanuts....

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Man - I hope you know CPR, because you take my breath away. Woman - Good cus' your breath stinks!

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Is your dad a terrorist?? 'Cause you're a sex bomb.

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Are you from tennessee? Cause you've got fine written all over you.

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Do you come here often? Because you're usually working the streets whenever I see you.

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What did the priest say to the rabbi? We are both religious figures at the head of our places of worship.

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-Hey, is there a fire extinguisher around here? 'Cause you're smoking hot. -Actually, there IS a fire extinguisher. I was about to slam you in the face with it.

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I hope you know CPR, because you so ugly you take my breath away

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Man: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put U and I together Woman: What does ui spell?

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Man: Wanna hear a joke about my C*ck, nevermind, it's too long Woman: Wanna hear a joke about my P*ssy, oh wait you'll never get it Man: It's ok, it was probably too dirty for me anyways.

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-ILY -Aw. Spell it out it will make it more special. -I'm Leaving You

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-Are you the sun? -No.. Why? -Because you need to stay 93,000,000 miles away from me.

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Roses are red Violates are blue Get in the van I have a gun.

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Roses are red, Violets are Blue, Dont talk to me, and I wont talk to you.

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Wanna go back to my place and watch some CarVideos?

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—do you believe in love at first sight or shall I come back again? —no, and I think you shall not come back ever.

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Ma'am, I'm sorry I'd like to ask a favour. Yes? Well, my penis died and I was wondering if I could bury it in your vagina?

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-Go on don't be shy, Ask me out. -Okay Go out.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!