Are you a parking ticket? Cause you got fine written all over you.

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-- Hey, can I have your number? -- 12

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Man - How was your trip from heaven? Woman - Great... until now.

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Hey baby, if I could rearrange the alphabet U and I would have sex.

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-If I could arrange the alphabet, that would be cool.

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Man: (Ugh worst food ever). Girl: U like it? Man: I love it girl! Girl: Aww, I am gonna make this every day ever! Moral: Hey, if she got big tits, then keep lying.

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- If you were a booger I'd pick you first - If you were a booger I'd throw you away...

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Your eyes are the color of my toilet water.

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"Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?"

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WOMAN! GO MAKE ME A SANDWICH NOW! Girl: But I do not even know you!? Man: Oh... uh.. hi sexy.. wanna get to know me?

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If you were attacked by a bear with chainsaw arms i hope it stays away from your face, because I think you're cute.

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It's not rape if you say "Surprise!"

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Mens most noob things to say during sex: "Thank you" "Do I really get all this for free?" "Sure you don't want me to pay you?" "MOTHER!" *crying* "You`re wet down there! Did you just pee yourself? DISGUSTING!!!" "I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!" "STOP SUCKING CUZ IM ABOUT TO CUM!!"

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-I wish i were DNA helicase so i could unzip your genes. -You're a loser

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M: You make me wanna be a terrorist! W: Why? M: I so wanna blow on you right now...

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Guy: Have you ever been surfing? Girl: No; Yes Guy: Wanna surf in my jizz?

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You remind me of America. How so? Because you so fat!

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Skilled man enters a bar: Man: Lady, I am a scientist... Lady: So? Man: I also have black belt in several martial arts... Lady: Your point? Man: uh... I have uh... Lady: Sigh... *gets up and leaves* Moral: Knowing what and how to be attractive to women is an art on its own...

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Do you have Groupon? *wait for response* Because you look fucking cheap

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Hey baby, my name is Richard Gozinia. But my friends call me Dick. Dick Gozinia.

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why cant you comb your hair cuz you got cancer othere guy :ahahahaah fag

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Hey baby, i like your hair -girl takes off wig

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MAN- Wanna have sex? WOMAN- No get away from me you freak?!!! MAN- Well... I gave you a choice...

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Did anyone ever tell you you smell like Catalina? Did anyone ever tell you you smell like a cat?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!