Do you have a mirror in your pants, because it looks like you have a dick.

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Stable relationships are for horses.

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—do you believe in love at first sight or shall I come back again? —no, and I think you shall not come back ever.

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Hey, are you from Tennessee? Because you look like you are from Tennessee.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have a gun so get in the van.

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Boy: Did it hurt when you fell from Heaven? Girl: Did it hurt when you were thrust through the ash-filled layers of Hell?

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(At a Funeral) Male: I have a raging erection.

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Man - I hope you know CPR, because you take my breath away. Woman - Good cus' your breath stinks!

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Is that a mirror in your pocket? because I can... Yes actually, it's my new LCD Mirror Screen Protector for my iPhone.

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Are you from Tennessee? Because you're a fucking hillbilly.

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Man: Hey sexy girl there... Whats your name? Cena: I am John Cena! I can rap because you can eat.. uh crap... wait I need some allsholes to write some rad lyrics for me here...

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Holla holla holla, ill be there like right now, its a bit far. But dawg, did you say you are both at work and banging a chick? Someone is bragging here yo son! Anyways, phone is dead, gotten towed like 50-60 times in total (not only the freeway), and... Nah man, its cool, you know I dont really ask for much, I mean I can still pay you something. Yeah your skinny bitch hands, you can slap me 50 times son.

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Guy: Have you ever been surfing? Girl: No; Yes Guy: Wanna surf in my jizz?

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I hope you know CPR, because you so ugly you take my breath away

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Do you come here often? Because you're usually working the streets whenever I see you.

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Girl- Hey ily Boy- say it it just makes it that much better ;) Girl- I'm leaving you

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- If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put 'U' and 'I' together. - No, it's okay. 'N' and 'O' are already together.

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GEDDINTHEFRIGGENCAR

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If you were Mufasa I'd help scar push you off the ledge

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What did the priest say to the rabbi? We are both religious figures at the head of our places of worship.

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And then it hit me...no really now I'm bleeding

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Girlfriend: you are much more naive when you are naked, and a small penis, no hair and are 23 years old

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man: would u please me with a blowjob girl: cant u be romantic ? man: would please me with a blowjob at the sunset

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Ma'am, I'm sorry I'd like to ask a favour. Yes? Well, my penis died and I was wondering if I could bury it in your vagina?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!