-I work for the FBI -Oh I work for the CIA, maybe we'll see each other at a meeting -Yeah I'm in the Female Body Inspector division -I'm in the Can the Idiot Absent himself division

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Let's not turn this rape... into a murder

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—do you believe in love at first sight or shall I come back again? —no, and I think you shall not come back ever.

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Are you from tennessee? Cause you've got fine written all over you.

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Are you a dinosaur? Because you look like you got hit by an asteroid.

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-Go on don't be shy, Ask me out. -Okay Go out.

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She - Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? becuase your-- He - I did not fall from heaven, you ignorant little twat.

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Boy: Did it hurt when you fell from Heaven? Girl: Did it hurt when you were thrust through the ash-filled layers of Hell?

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Q: Why are Italian girls so hairy? A: Because it turns out its a genetic predisposition in which almost all males and females have when of the Italian ethnicity, these genetics are also parts of other race types.

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Man enters a bar... ORIGINALITY FOR THE PEOPLE! Man: Hey, wanna go to my place later? Woman: Ok Ronald McDonald but you gotta take of your costume first and... Man: What costume? I am Michael Ja.. Moral: Stop it right there! Its too early for jokes about uh... Michael J Fox... yeah him yeah... lets keep it that way...

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Is that a mirror in your pocket? Use it next time you put your d**n make-up on.

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Guy: Have you ever been surfing? Girl: No; Yes Guy: Wanna surf in my jizz?

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Big Black Guy: Yo, whats your name there sexy? My name is Tyrone Bigs Dicks, but my NBA teammates call me Mr.BigDingDong, I play for the HUGE Chicago BIGC0cks if I seem familiar to you ;),... Woman: Wow, awesome ;) and why do they call you that? Big Black Guy:Sigh... I was afraid you would ask... I actually got no idea... But I do not think there are any Big HUGE hard facts... Woman: :/ Big Black Guy: Where you going? Hey! Moral: Lol cannot stop laughing myself! "LADIES AND GENTLEMEN! WE PRESENT TO YOU THE HUGE CHICAGO BIGC0CKS!

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-Hey comon baby dont be shy give me a little BlowJob -sorry im alergic to peanuts....

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Guy- Hey girl do u like math Girl-um, sure Guy- ok I got a problem... Add a bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs and multiply the bodies.... What does that equal.... Girl- u and ur homo friends

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Is your father a gardener? -No, why? ..Because I was wondering what a cactus like you doing in a place like this.

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Do you have a mirror in your pants, because it looks like you have a dick.

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- If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put 'U' and 'I' together. - No, it's okay. 'N' and 'O' are already together.

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Girlfriend: you are much more naive when you are naked, and a small penis, no hair and are 23 years old

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Hey, you want a ride?

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Stable relationships are for horses.

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man: would u please me with a blowjob girl: cant u be romantic ? man: would please me with a blowjob at the sunset

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Are you cold? Because you're just not hot.

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Do you have sunburn, or are you always this hot? It's sunburn.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!