And then it hit me...no really now I'm bleeding

thumb_up thumb_down -65

(Guy mumbles a bit, then says): You don't know me, but can I get you a drink? Yeah, sure... OK. HAHAHAA!!! Before I asked if you wanted a drink I mumbled "Do you want to have sex"? And you said yes! HAHAHAA!!!

thumb_up thumb_down +128

Man: Oh crap I don't have a condom Woman: Don't worry I have one

thumb_up thumb_down +112

You smell just like my mom...

thumb_up thumb_down +38

Sugar-free sugar cookies

thumb_up thumb_down +28

-Is that a sonic screwdriver in your pocket or are you just happy to see me? -Do I look like a Time Lord? (Only Doctor Who fans will get that.)

thumb_up thumb_down -76

Man: So you will come home with me later? Girl: Sure! Man: Great then ill just go find more women I can bang later in the meantime... Moral: Depending of the kind of woman, this is of no consequence...

thumb_up thumb_down -96

Hey baby, are you Star Trek? Because I watch you every night in the darkness.

thumb_up thumb_down +157

Is your father a gardener? -No, why? ..Because I was wondering what a cactus like you doing in a place like this.

thumb_up thumb_down -21

Hey babe, how about my mom drives us to the comic book store in her Civic? I got a carseat with seat belts for two.

thumb_up thumb_down -29

Are you cold? Because you're just not hot.

thumb_up thumb_down +108

Man; Wanna play the rape game? Girl; No Man; That's the spirit

thumb_up thumb_down +78

Hey, you want a ride?

thumb_up thumb_down +72

It's not Rapee If you yell surprise!

thumb_up thumb_down -56

-You smell nice Thanks....... -Have you ever thought of turning your sweat into perfume?

thumb_up thumb_down -70

Him: Does your dad own a bakery? Her: Yes, Why? Him: Because I saw his advertisement in the newspaper

thumb_up thumb_down +147

-Hey sit on my face and I will guess your weight

thumb_up thumb_down +121

Are you from tennessee? Cause you've got fine written all over you.

thumb_up thumb_down +77

Man: Oh.. girl you smell so nice... Girl: TRY ANOTHER LINE AND STOP LOOKING AT MY TlTS LOSER! Man: Uh... I am blind... Girl: Um...

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Man enters a bar... ORIGINALITY FOR THE PEOPLE! Man: Hey, wanna go to my place later? Woman: Ok Ronald McDonald but you gotta take of your costume first and... Man: What costume? I am Michael Ja.. Moral: Stop it right there! Its too early for jokes about uh... Michael J Fox... yeah him yeah... lets keep it that way...

thumb_up thumb_down -15

"I prefer animals... but your so ugly you remind me of my dog"

thumb_up thumb_down -35

male-"Do you have a rape fetish?" fenale-"No, i don't" male-"Ohh... Well you're not going enjoy this."

thumb_up thumb_down -95

Male- You have 206 bones in your body, You want another ?

thumb_up thumb_down +50

"Did it hurt? When you fell from heaven?" "Yes. I ruptured my bowels upon impact."

thumb_up thumb_down +36

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!