And then it hit me...no really now I'm bleeding

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man: would u please me with a blowjob girl: cant u be romantic ? man: would please me with a blowjob at the sunset

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Hey baby, are you Star Trek? Because I watch you every night in the darkness.

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Man: Oh crap I don't have a condom Woman: Don't worry I have one

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Hey, you want a ride?

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-Is that a sonic screwdriver in your pocket or are you just happy to see me? -Do I look like a Time Lord? (Only Doctor Who fans will get that.)

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Girlfriend: you are much more naive when you are naked, and a small penis, no hair and are 23 years old

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(Guy mumbles a bit, then says): You don't know me, but can I get you a drink? Yeah, sure... OK. HAHAHAA!!! Before I asked if you wanted a drink I mumbled "Do you want to have sex"? And you said yes! HAHAHAA!!!

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Ma'am, I'm sorry I'd like to ask a favour. Yes? Well, my penis died and I was wondering if I could bury it in your vagina?

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-Want my number? -I already know it. It's 1. -Phone numbers have more then one digit... -Oh, I thought we were referring to your IQ level...my bad.

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It's not Rapee If you yell surprise!

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Are you from tennessee? Cause you've got fine written all over you.

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Sugar-free sugar cookies

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-Go on don't be shy, Ask me out. -Okay Go out.

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Is your father a gardener? -No, why? ..Because I was wondering what a cactus like you doing in a place like this.

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-You smell nice Thanks....... -Have you ever thought of turning your sweat into perfume?

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-Hey sit on my face and I will guess your weight

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Man: Oh.. girl you smell so nice... Girl: TRY ANOTHER LINE AND STOP LOOKING AT MY TlTS LOSER! Man: Uh... I am blind... Girl: Um...

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Him: Does your dad own a bakery? Her: Yes, Why? Him: Because I saw his advertisement in the newspaper

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guy: wanna make some money? girl: Na, I do it for free, i'm offering free herpes

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Man: Do you like a sensitive guy? Women: Yeah, I used to be one.

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Big Black Guy: Yo, whats your name there sexy? My name is Tyrone Bigs Dicks, but my NBA teammates call me Mr.BigDingDong, I play for the HUGE Chicago BIGC0cks if I seem familiar to you ;),... Woman: Wow, awesome ;) and why do they call you that? Big Black Guy:Sigh... I was afraid you would ask... I actually got no idea... But I do not think there are any Big HUGE hard facts... Woman: :/ Big Black Guy: Where you going? Hey! Moral: Lol cannot stop laughing myself! "LADIES AND GENTLEMEN! WE PRESENT TO YOU THE HUGE CHICAGO BIGC0CKS!

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Man; Wanna play the rape game? Girl; No Man; That's the spirit

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Male- You have 206 bones in your body, You want another ?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!