-Darling, I will never stop pursuing you. Even from the ends of the earth, I will follow you wherever you go. Really, I love you that much. -"Honey", I will call the police and have you thrown in jail for stalking me. Really, I hate you that much.

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-Is that a sonic screwdriver in your pocket or are you just happy to see me? -Do I look like a Time Lord? (Only Doctor Who fans will get that.)

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I right next to each other. You say that you want me? Well don't what you come for!!

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Are you a magnet because I'm attracted to you No, but I am trained in several martial art, so get the heck away from me

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Did it hurt when you fell from heaven and banged every guy on the way down?

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guy: wanna make some money? girl: Na, I do it for free, i'm offering free herpes

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-Do you come here often? -Yeah, but now that you're here, I think I'll find another bar.

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You wanna go somewhere? Yeah, where? The Swingers Association.

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M: What's a pretty girl like you doing in a dirty mind like mine? F: Running and screaming for help

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If you were a booger, that'd be pretty nasty.

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Man: I bet I can scream so loud I can break the walls this post is made of. Woman: Pfff bullshit.. Man: POOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEER!!! Woman: Wow, I wanna go home with you! Man: Sorry, I dont wanna go home with you Moral I dont bang women I "have something to prove to" if ever... heck just ask a woman what makes her cool enough to ask/demand you to prove yourself... and you may just hit the soft spot...

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M: On a scale of one to America, how free are you tonight? F: North Korea

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Hey baby, let me take you to heaven.

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adam burdass

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Him: Did it hurt? Her: Did what hurt? Him: When you fell from the whore tree and banged everyone on the way down

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I have a knife and a penis. Choose which one goes in you.

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- Hey baby! You make my heart beat. - Oh, well you make my stomach churn.

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Sorry, I don't wanna date a guy who's best pickup line is cocaine.

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He: Hey bay wanna danc- She: Leave.

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M: If life had Alt + F4, I would close your clothes. F: Really? I would close YOU down!

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your boobs are bigger than my nose

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He: Let me be the reason you're up all night. She: You will be. I always wake up when I have nightmares.

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Are you from Tennessee? Because your accent sounds stupid.

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Man: Hey you are so pretty I bet you are a hooker! Woman: Uh.. thanks but no.. Man: Damn... I was hoping to get laid tonight...

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!