How do you know where gonna have sex tonight.Im stronger than you.

BOY: Are you a chicken? GIRL: Why? BOY: Because I'll like you to lay on my eggs all day...

-don't sit on the table, people eat there! -don't sit on that chair, people sit there!

You wanna have sex and get married?? Ok... Sorry.

Man: Hey I am the hunk that writes the stories with morals, and I thumb them up myself... since they mostly get thumbed down slower that way... Ladies: REALLY! WOW WE NEVER THOUGHT WE WOULD MEET A CELEBRITY! LETS HAVE AN ORGY! Man: HEY! LADIES WAIT WAIT! ONLY 8 AT THE TIME! HELP I AM GETTING GRAPED!... Anyway who am I kidding please proceed but stop fighting over the joystick I have enough joy to all thanks to my writing progress!¨ Moral: His-tory AKa My-Story, and you know that they say that the winners are the one to write history ;), and if you do not know what I mean, you are probable banging me too right now... (true story)

Man - I hope you know CPR, because you take my breath away. Woman - Good cus' your breath stinks!

man: would u please me with a blowjob girl: cant u be romantic ? man: would please me with a blowjob at the sunset

Id catch a grenade for ya, but you won't do the same

Are you a magnet, because i'm attracted to you. Yes, i am. So unless you want to have sex with metal, then i suggest you leave.

At a drinking place :P: Man: You dare mock the great Sh... Woman: I am sorry I did not mean to humiliate that much... ehehehehe you are just a stupid jlttle nerd and all... :) Man: You will die moral... Woman: What?! Uh... did I mention how awesome you are? What was your name again? Man: You weak pathetic fool! 8 hours later: Woman: Please! Let me stay! Just for a little longer! Barman: Sigh... fine have a drink on the house. Woman: *sips drink and dies* Barman: Mission complete sir, she died instantly! Man: Instantly without pain? THAT WAS PATHETIC! Now... SUICIDE! Barman: No I refuse! Man: Drink it... or face the true WRATH OF SHAO KAHN! Barman: The true wrath? ANYTHING BUT THAT!*Punches himself in the balls hoping he dies from the pain, passes out and tries again* Man Is That your best? That was pathetic! Its official, you suck! Bhahahahahahaha! Moral: Fear the Wrath of Shao Kahn!

Hi I am THE MORAL MAN! Moral: I am not famous enough yet it seems... except around my block where woman screams have been so loud people have called the cops... RAWRS... yeah I am bragging, but at least its the truth... (I cant wait for the day I am so famous that I walk into a bar and tell women that I am Moral man and run before they beat me to death)

Wherever: Hi I am Tom Green! or Hey there, I am Jamie Kennedy! Moral: Hey there I am neither one of them, I am however the worlds third most pointless invention according to this site. (well strictly spoken, I am a lawyer, lol self irony)

A 85 year old man was at a bar, he goes up to the first hot thing he sees and asks do I come here often?

Damn girl! You`re fat and ugly! its ok though, cuz Im desperate!

Me: You know what bitch... You are *burp* such a bitch... That I am just gonna smear peanut butter on my crotch and... Lady: Dude, I am a man but okay! Me: You are a guy? Did you have to tell me that? I mean I got beer googles but I hear perfectly well! Then his girlfriend which happened to be my cousin showed up and... *facepalm*

Hey baby, can I cream in your chocolate?

Man: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put U and I together Woman: What does ui spell?

Male: Are you from Tennessee? Female: Why? Male: Cus you look like an inbred hick

Girl- Hey ily Boy- say it it just makes it that much better ;) Girl- I'm leaving you

Hey baby! If I said you had a good body, would you hold it against me? - [ It's unknown who originally said this. Maybe it was some rowdy guy in a 1970s disco].

If you were my daughter id still be bathing you

-Want to get on your knees and suck my dick? -No thanks, I have enough Tic Tacs at home.

Q: Why are Italian girls so hairy? A: Because it turns out its a genetic predisposition in which almost all males and females have when of the Italian ethnicity, these genetics are also parts of other race types.

The ability to speak with dead relatives but only whilst masturbating

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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