Hey you've got the most beautiful f*cked up teeth I've ever seen.

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Him: Did it hurt? Her: Did what hurt? Him: When you fell from the whore tree and banged everyone on the way down

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That outfit looks fantastic on you... ..it would look even better in an evidence bag

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-Is that a sonic screwdriver in your pocket or are you just happy to see me? -Do I look like a Time Lord? (Only Doctor Who fans will get that.)

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adam burdass

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At a bar (how creative): Man: I bet you look beautiful behind those tits... Woman: WHAT DO YOU MEAN DONKEYHOLE!?!?!?! Man: Uh... well I mean I really cant see your face and... Moral: Silicone tits are nice too... in MODERATION FFS!

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- Have we met? - Honey, we're not meeting now.

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-If I could rearrange the alphabet... that would be nice..

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Guy:My tummy hurts Girl: Oh!! Are you pregnant ? Guy: Yeah!!! With a baby elephant!! Girl:WHAT!!!! Guy: Yeah!! Wanna see its trunk

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I right next to each other. You say that you want me? Well don't what you come for!!

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I have a knife and a penis. Choose which one goes in you.

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Sorry, I don't wanna date a guy who's best pickup line is cocaine.

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if u were a triangle u'd be an obtuse one fat ass

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-Do your feet hurt? Because I couldn't help but notice you look about 75 pounds overweight and I hear that is rough on your feet.

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He: Let me be the reason you're up all night. She: You will be. I always wake up when I have nightmares.

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male: wanna come in for a coffea? female: ok (she has a coffea) male: ok by female: by

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"Did it hurt? When you fell from heaven?" "Yes. I ruptured my bowels upon impact."

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roses are red, violets are blue, my toe hurts.

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Are you a magnet because I'm attracted to you No, but I am trained in several martial art, so get the heck away from me

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Did it hurt when you fell from heaven and banged every guy on the way down?

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- Lets get outta here and have some fun - If you got your fathers dick....no

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Man: I bet I can scream so loud I can break the walls this post is made of. Woman: Pfff bullshit.. Man: POOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEER!!! Woman: Wow, I wanna go home with you! Man: Sorry, I dont wanna go home with you Moral I dont bang women I "have something to prove to" if ever... heck just ask a woman what makes her cool enough to ask/demand you to prove yourself... and you may just hit the soft spot...

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Are you from Tennessee? Because your accent sounds stupid.

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that shirt looks nice on you, it would look better on the floor

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!