"Hey girl, is there a mirror in your pants?" "No, that's just my penis."

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Roses are red, Violets are Blue, Dont talk to me, and I wont talk to you.

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-Is that a sonic screwdriver in your pocket or are you just happy to see me? -Do I look like a Time Lord? (Only Doctor Who fans will get that.)

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-don't sit on the table, people eat there! -don't sit on that chair, people sit there!

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A 85 year old man was at a bar, he goes up to the first hot thing he sees and asks do I come here often?

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-Are you the sun? -No.. Why? -Because you need to stay 93,000,000 miles away from me.

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Me: You know what bitch... You are *burp* such a bitch... That I am just gonna smear peanut butter on my crotch and... Lady: Dude, I am a man but okay! Me: You are a guy? Did you have to tell me that? I mean I got beer googles but I hear perfectly well! Then his girlfriend which happened to be my cousin showed up and... *facepalm*

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Roses are Red, Violets are blue, I cant rhyme, ever since my dog and I were walking down the street and then he died and then i cried and then i died and then he cried

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Male: Do you know if there is an airport around here? Cause my heart took off, when I saw you... Female: Yeah? Well my heart crashed in the Hudson River when I saw you!

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Man: Lets have some fun ;) Woman: Sure! Man: Starts telling jokes. Woman: Funny but I thought... Man: What? Woman: Well its a bit uh... silly of me but I thought that we where getting at your place, having a drink and... Man: What? I said fun, not date rape! Woman: Wow... this is really getting nowhere is it? Author: Hell no! Moral: This "anti-pickup" was not even finished and you want a moral too? Pssssssssssssssssshhhhh....

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when ilfe gives you lemons i squirt the jiuce in my eyes so i dont have to stare at you anymore :)

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A. If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together. B. Oh really? Well, if I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put N and O together. Oh wait -- they're already there. Huh.

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Id catch a grenade for ya, but you won't do the same

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Sigh... No I do not have a van... Just get in the plane!

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I hope you know CPR, because you so ugly you take my breath away

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- If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put 'U' and 'I' together. - No, it's okay. 'N' and 'O' are already together.

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Your father must have been a theif, because you look like a pikiey

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—do you believe in love at first sight or shall I come back again? —no, and I think you shall not come back ever.

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Is your dad a terrorist?? 'Cause you're a sex bomb.

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The word of the day is legs. Lets go to your place and spread the word

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Why do cops eat donuts so much? Because they are delish

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man-hey baby you wanna go somewhere girl-no thanks hells over there

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Hey, are you from Tennessee? Because you look like you are from Tennessee.

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Male: Are you from Tennessee? Female: Why? Male: Cus you look like an inbred hick

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!