-You wanna get laid tonight? -You wanna never have sex again?

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- hey id like my order for you - ok we put extra punch with it these days

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M: On a scale of one to America, how free are you tonight? F: North Korea

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M: What's a pretty girl like you doing in a dirty mind like mine? F: Running and screaming for help

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Man: "Are you a parking ticket? 'Cos you have fine written all over you!" Woman: "Are you an a**hole? 'Cos you're hairy and you smell like s**t!"

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Sorry, I don't wanna date a guy who's best pickup line is cocaine.

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Are you a Geodude? Cause you're face is rockin'!

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Hey wanna have sex and get married! ......... sorry.......

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I have a knife and a penis. Choose which one goes in you.

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Boy-Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Girl-Not until I heard that horrible pick-up line.

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If you were a booger i would pick you Good thing you have no hands

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HELLO I AM BORAT! MISHIMUSH! I WOULD LIKE TO MAKE THE MOVIE OF MAKING THE RAPE OF THE AMERICAN WOMAN! WILL YOU HELP US? Woman: NO!!!!!! Oh... ok Mishimush! We make the other Movie then, BORAT THE CRUSHINGS OF AMERICA.

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Me. Would you like me to get you a ring for valentines day? Girlfriend: Nothing would make me happier! So I got her nothing...

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-If I could rearrange the alphabet... that would be nice..

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Male: I'd give her one Female: I wouldn't have sex with you if you were the last person on earth Male: I was rating you out of 10 you ugly bitch

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Do you have cancer, because you look diseased.

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Guy: Did it hurt? Girl: What? Guy:When I drugged you, then dragged you all the way to my place and banged the hell out of your ass? I also managed to get my entire fist in and out of your ass several times. Moral: Wanna go out with me?

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Hey i got a job for you. But it blows.

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Do you wanna go halves in a bastard?

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your boobs are bigger than my nose

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Do women shake the petrol pump after filling or is that just a guy thing?

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hey baby i just came in my pants

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Me: You know what bitch... You are *burp* such a bitch... That I am just gonna smear peanut butter on my crotch and... Lady: Dude, I am a man but okay! Me: You are a guy? Did you have to tell me that? I mean I got beer googles but I hear perfectly well! Then his girlfriend which happened to be my cousin showed up and... *facepalm*

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Woman: Hey you look hot and cool, wanna chat? "Man": Meh.. I just stand here with my beerglass trying to look cool in hopes that women ask me out... Woman: UGH! "Man": May I please come with you? Eh... where are you going... HEY! Moral: Trying to look like James Bond in the darkest corner of a bar is not flirting you trucking moron!

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!