Can I take a picture of you, so I can show Santa what I don't want for Christmas?

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Boy: did it hurt when you fell from heaven Girl: I'm a antsiest

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Boy:do you know to spell "Idiot" with just one word? Girl:how? Boy:U

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At a bar (how creative): Man: I bet you look beautiful behind those tits... Woman: WHAT DO YOU MEAN DONKEYHOLE!?!?!?! Man: Uh... well I mean I really cant see your face and... Moral: Silicone tits are nice too... in MODERATION FFS!

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i'm a doctor.... maybe i can fix that thing you call a face

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Roses are Red, Violets are blue, I cant rhyme, ever since my dog and I were walking down the street and then he died and then i cried and then i died and then he cried

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Guy: Happy Birthday Girl: Huh? Guy: You're gonna get raped

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Hey baby, let me take you to heaven.

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Are you from Tennessee? Because your accent sounds stupid.

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Male: You are a Drugs? Female: Why? because your so addicted to me? Male: Nope, You ruined my life!

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Is that a mirror in your pocket? because I can... Yes actually, it's my new LCD Mirror Screen Protector for my iPhone.

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Hey wanna hear about some pointless superpowers? ;)

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At Barlevania: Man: Yo lady... mind if I hang around? Woman: Uh... wait... there is a weird song outside... Man: Yeah but you will you... yeah... its getting louder! *nana nanananana nana* Man: What the hell is that? Woman: No idea, its getting louder! *NANA NANANANANANA KATAMARI DAMACY NANA NANANANANANANA KATAMERUUUUU! DAMACY DAMACY*¨¨ *Both the man and the woman gets rolled up in a spirit ball by the prince, in no time the bar gets rolled up as well* Dun dun dun dun dun dun Du du dun dun STAAAAAARLIGHT STAAAAAAAARLIGHT STAAAAAAAARLIGHT STAAAAAAAAAAAR LIGHT! King of all cosmos: Eh.. buenos dias! That means good day in Spanish the king thinks... the king likes languages... Eh? What is this insignificant thing you rolled up? Earth? The king does not like it... it feels too earthy! To humanny and stuff... *The king of all cosmos throws the earth away towards outer space* "ROLLED UP EARTH HAS BECOME PLANET EARTH!" Moral: Katamari Damacy taught us all that it does not have to make sense to be funny, but its not a good idea to for anyone to hit on anything while the planet is being rolled up...

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He: Let me be the reason you're up all night. She: You will be. I always wake up when I have nightmares.

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A blond, a brunette and a black haired girl are all stuck on an island....stupid women.

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Ay girl, those jeans make your ass look fat. Now I'ma get you pregnant while you make breakfast.

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If you were a booger, I'd pick you first.

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Roses are red Violets are blue Im a serial killer So GTFO before i kill you

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Damn girl did you just come from the dump? Cause you smell like shit.

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I lost my phone number, can I have yours?

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M: If life had Alt + F4, I would close your clothes. F: Really? I would close YOU down!

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Female: Hey can i buy you a drink? Male: I have AIDS.

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Did you fall from heaven because you landed on my wind shield some how

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*At a concert* guy- hey if you were that drum set, i'd bang you on that stage all night

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!