Mother: Fuck me son fuck me harder. Me: Mother no! My body is not ready aaaaaaaaaarghhh! Moral: Why do dreams have to stop when it gets good? Dont know son, ready for round two?

thumb_up thumb_down -127

If you were my daughter id still be bathing you

thumb_up thumb_down +152

Man, stay alive, I dont even got time to read that shit. See you around son.

thumb_up thumb_down +46

I take the the out of psychotherapist

thumb_up thumb_down -2

What did the priest say to the rabbi? We are both religious figures at the head of our places of worship.

thumb_up thumb_down -26

Hey babe, how about my mom drives us to the comic book store in her Civic? I got a carseat with seat belts for two.

thumb_up thumb_down -74

Man: Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

thumb_up thumb_down -126

A long time ago I had a vision of someone like you. I was in a psych ward, wearing a straight jacket. Would you like some blended cheese?

thumb_up thumb_down +199

If you were a booger, that'd be pretty nasty.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Guy: You look two times as beautiful with makup on. Girl: Really? I think you would too.

thumb_up thumb_down +102

that shirt looks nice on you, it would look better on the floor

thumb_up thumb_down +50

Hey, you want a ride?

thumb_up thumb_down +44

Q: Where did Bethany hide the dead baby? A: In the trash can

thumb_up thumb_down +95

Did you just fart? Cause it smells like shit in here

thumb_up thumb_down +89

If I could rearange the alphabet id put "I-W-A-N-T-S-E-X-Y-O-U together. SIr, not really but that was kinda impressive. Me: I know...

thumb_up thumb_down +63

Q: Why are Italian girls so hairy? A: Because it turns out its a genetic predisposition in which almost all males and females have when of the Italian ethnicity, these genetics are also parts of other race types.

thumb_up thumb_down +55

Man: HEY BITCH! LETS HAVE SEX! Damn ugly woman: OKAY! Next day... Man: Damn that was some nice sex, too bad the bitch was damn ugly though, even trough the beer googles... I wonder where she is... "damn ugly woman": woof woof! Bark bark! Moral: Do you see any moral in this immoral piece of shit? (Ps if you are stupid, the bitch was actually a dog... get it?)

thumb_up thumb_down -1

He: Did it hurt? She: When I fell from heaven? heard it before... He: No, when you fell from the ugly tree!

thumb_up thumb_down -43

Can I take a picture of you, so I can show Santa what I don't want for Christmas?

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Man: There is a U and I in beautiful Woman: Ya, but there is only a U in ugly

thumb_up thumb_down -54

Are u in the army cause u make my private stand at attention.

thumb_up thumb_down -74

NO WAIT SON ITS 999 FUCK COME ON! DONT GO "NERO SAYS WITH ME SON!" I mean that shit you pull on everyone, come on man, I posted wrong... Yeah your word is law and all that So can we like make a deal? You pay my repair wreck of a car and you can slash the damn tires yourself if you wanna later?

thumb_up thumb_down -96

If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I right next to each other. You say that you want me? Well don't what you come for!!

thumb_up thumb_down -117

hey, your cute. hey, your not.

thumb_up thumb_down +66

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!