- I may not be a genie, but I can make your dreams come true. - First wish: don't speak ever again.

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Does this rag smell like chloroform?

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Can I have your number? -I don't have one.

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Did the lord take the thunder from the skies, and put it in your thighs?

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- Your body is like a temple. - Sorry, there are no services today.

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Your body would look good in my trunk.

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Walking to your car alone later?

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-You look like a dream. -Go back to sleep.

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-I can see forever in your eyes. -But all I can see is never in yours.

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- You must be a parking ticket cause you have fine written all over you - You must be a wellfare check then.

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you actually look alright with the lights on.

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You're place or mine? Both, you go to yours and I go to mine.

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"Don't scream"

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Is Heaven missing an Angel? Because I have an erection.

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I have no gag reflex.

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-Hey cutie, how 'bout you and I hitting the hot spots? -Sorry, I don't date outside my species.

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Six simple words: I'm not gay, but I'll learn.

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-Baby, do you know karate? Your body is kickin'! -I do actually. Would your crotch like a demonstration?

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-Your feet must be tired 'cuz you've been running through my mind. -Yea, I was running away from you.

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My penis just died. Can I bury it in your ass?

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-Because you are not very attractive I figure you have low self-esteem. I will prey on your poor self-image for short-term sexual gratification. Also, you are really drunk. -OK.

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- Haven't we met before? - Yes, I'm the receptionist at the VD Clinic.

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-can i buy you a drink? i buy you a taxi?

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Your father must be a thief, because I saw him stealing at Target earlier.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!