Intro music with slow motion running starts as I shut off the tv forever

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Man: Do you like a sensitive guy? Women: Yeah, I used to be one.

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Let's not turn this rape... into a murder

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Girl: Hey you cutypie! want to ride my newest pimpmobile and get drunk and have unprotected sex? Man: Gee that was mighty brave of you, teehee.. Maybe though, but cant we just get to know each other a bit first? ;) I mean I am a partygirl bu.. Girl: ...Uh, something feels wrong here. Man: Cut! I think we picked up each other scripts... Moral: About mother fucking time someone noticed something! This is anti-pickupline enough for me...

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Man: So you will come home with me later? Girl: Sure! Man: Great then ill just go find more women I can bang later in the meantime... Moral: Depending of the kind of woman, this is of no consequence...

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-Do you mind if i smoke? -No. I dont even mind if you burn....

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You have lovely eyes. They'll look better in a pile on my floor in the morning.

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Your butt is so big that I would propably lose intrest during sex.

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Guy: If I could rearange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together Girl: If I could rearange the alphabet, I'd put F and U together

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- Hey baby! You make my heart beat. - Oh, well you make my stomach churn.

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-Hey baby,what's your sign? (; -Do not enter. >_>

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He: Let me be the reason you're up all night. She: You will be. I always wake up when I have nightmares.

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Is that a mirror in your pocket? Use it next time you put your d**n make-up on.

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Do you have cancer, because you look diseased.

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Sosiopath vs How I met your mother: Kids, this is how I met your mother. I saw her at some store, I said "Hey sexy" She told me to fuck off, so I raped her, got out of prison years later, and kids, that is how I met your mother. ...Why I am leaving? Did I ever fucking say I was your father? I Just came here to tell you I raped and killed her after serving my time which was about 2 minutes, so kids, that is how I killed your mother. YOU ARE WELCOME BY THE WAY! Ungrateful kids... Moral of the story: If they are your kids, just say no and get away, and kill Robin for better television. Bonus because nobody loves you :( Me? People either love me around here, or you know... cough... psst...rapeandie? Lets keep that a secret between us and EEEEEVEEEERYBODY ELLLLLLLSSEEEEEE (SECRET ABOVE ALERT ALERT ALERT!) Sosiopath vs Grounded for life Moral: Shot the little kid, nobody will notice, not even his own family.

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I lost my phone number, can I have yours?

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Want to get a pizza and fuck? What you don't like pizza?

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Boy- is that a mirror in your pants? Girl-? Boy-because i see my self in your pants Girl-oh this, this is a picture of crap!

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Did you fall from heaven? Because, I believe in the afterlife.

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Boy: Did it hurt when you fell from Heaven? Girl: Did it hurt when you were thrust through the ash-filled layers of Hell?

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I hate you already.

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Are you a dinosaur? Because you look like you got hit by an asteroid.

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Man: Your body is a temple! Woman: Sorry, no services today.

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Did you fall from heaven? Cause you d*** sure look like a demon!

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!