Are you being followed because i've been see someone behind your back!

thumb_up thumb_down +13

As original as things get: Pickup in the future! Android: Greetings Alpha six zero zero,requesting access code for insertion of my intercourse-D.I.C.K card into your V.A.G 2.0 intercourse receiver! Another Android: Access granted Zero six nine eight, engaging card...System! Deactivate mini-android production systems and engage cooldown systems to avoid critical overheats, lubricate essentials for easy access, I have no entry code, engage at once! Moral: I honestly thought it would end up in failure, but damn androids are easy!

thumb_up thumb_down -1

“I've been looking for a girl like you - not you, but a girl like you.” (Groucho Marx)

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Guy: Hey is your dad a jeweler? Girl: No, He died a year ago due to a heart condition.

thumb_up thumb_down -61

Him: Did it hurt? Her: What? Him: When you fell out of the whore tree and banged every guy on the way down?

thumb_up thumb_down -75

roses are red violets are blue My dog gives me a bigger orgasm then you

thumb_up thumb_down +116

Man: Hello! I am SUPERMAN! And you are so hot you are my Kryptonite! Woman: then you better get lost before you die! Man: Uh well... yeah uh... walks away (in non super speed strangely) Moral: Think things trough sometimes...

thumb_up thumb_down +38

Female: Hey can i buy you a drink? Male: I have AIDS.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

My friend and I flipped a coin to see who will ask you out and I won.

thumb_up thumb_down -52

Sickman Fraud: Hmm you look remotely alike my mother... Woman: Uh? Sickman Fraud: Yes fucking you should das probably give me some release, die reason to resist me is not necessary, you envy my pingas and I can assign it to you if you put on this ugly wig and yell "bad boy" whilzt I das fukte das rassenhol... Woman: OMG SICK! Moral: The father of modern psychology? Seriously?! I was going for a bachelor in psychology studies, but its just disgusting.

thumb_up thumb_down -60

Man: Your tag's showing. It says "Made in Heaven". Woman: *Proceeds to leak period blood into a puddle at the man's feet and walks away in silence*

thumb_up thumb_down -158

This one is for the ladies: Man: If I could put 6 and 9 on my calculator we would have the greatest time ever ;) Woman: If you did that id just put 911 on my cellphone.

thumb_up thumb_down +47

Damn gurl, are you a microwave? Cause for sure you are burning me hot.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Is that a mirror in your pants? We should have sex immediately.

thumb_up thumb_down -41

Moral man enters a bar and spots a sad girl. MMan: Why so sad? Lady: My father died... MMan: And you want him to see you sad, from wherever he may be? Lady: No but how am I supposed to be happy about it? MMan: Remember the happy days you spent, because they are many more than the days you will see his gravestone, and if nothing else, we can always keep those alive within our heart happily, as long as we are happy in OUR heart... Moral: I would have called this meaningless bull before, but this is a true story, and those words are the reason I just celebrated my two year anniversary with my girlfriend, the most amazing girl ever... which just sang out of joy btw... I may be different... but if a man can keep those he loves happy, he is indeed a true man... Ok now she wants to know what I am typing, so I say nothing and put this self brag away, because I share with you, but heck, what am I? Somekind of romantic? Answer: Meh, I am the ever lovable jerk you may not like, but cant stop loving once you know me either... The anti-part? Dunno, dont care :D

thumb_up thumb_down -77

Sigh... No I do not have a van... Just get in the plane!

thumb_up thumb_down -36

Man: DTF Cutey? Woman: DTF off Asshole?

thumb_up thumb_down -90

Do you work at Subway, because you're giving me a footlong. No actually, I once had a job at a local Quizno's Sub Shop. However a tragic fire killed several employees and customers at this very location. I survived, but lost have permanent Third-Degree burns across my body. My life is ruined, prick.

thumb_up thumb_down +47

Guy: Hey, cutie! What's your name? Girl: JOHN CENA.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Hey did you fall from Heaven? Cos I think you are angel. If I'd fallen from anywhere that high I'd be in hospital with serious injuries or dead. Do the logic.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Q: How did the baby cross the road A: He was stapled to the chicken

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Boy: You know, just because one is beautiful does not mean that she is intelligent. Girl: Really? Boy: Yeah. But I'd like to tell you that you're a very good exception. Girl: Do you really think so? Boy: Of course! You're already ugly, yet you're so incredibly stupid!

thumb_up thumb_down -13

The power to type any pointless superpower at the wrong place... ...shit...

thumb_up thumb_down +86

Hey baby, can I cream in your chocolate?

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!