He: Let me be the reason you're up all night. She: You will be. I always wake up when I have nightmares.

Did you fall from heaven? Cause you d*** sure look like a demon!

He: Did it hurt? She: When I fell from heaven? heard it before... He: No, when you fell from the ugly tree!

Intro music with slow motion running starts as I shut off the tv forever

This is what Nero calls for his "destroyer" not sure if I should consider that flattering, he thinks so anyways, he just wants to say, that why the fuck are people suddenly scared of looooooooooooooooooooooong messages on the interbewbs. "No leave it be, interbewsbs sounds prefect" Nero The Hero "FINAL FRESH" What Nero And Vagina shouts? :)) Something is off here but he has passed out again :)) "God woman, you suck at pop cultural quotes" Nero, the fucklord (omg, he is crazy, gotta love this guy) "thanks" Nero the grateful. "I Ask you if you know who I am by saying "ITS ME MARIO and you still do not know what name is? THe red plumber Nintendo HIS NAME IS MARIO!?" Nero The (fucking annoyed at me) :)) Sorry guys just having fun. "THOU SHALL NEVER APOLOGIzE FOR THE WORD OF NERO" -Nero insists, I mean the LORD OF DARKNESS INSISTS "Can we fucking stop making quotes of me now? All the girls are laughing at me, WHY AM I SO DEFEATED!" Last quote added without his consent

Hey babe wats ur sign Caution men at work

Want to get a pizza and fuck? What you don't like pizza?

Hey you've got the most beautiful f*cked up teeth I've ever seen.

You must be a parking ticket. Because you are dressed like i'd have to pay.

Seriously tho mah bebeh... Did you ask for a Pepsi or mah cocka-colah?

Stable relationships are for horses.

-Wanna go to my place? -Actually, I was gonna ask you the same question. -Really? Where do you live? -In a sexual harassment class.

*At a concert* guy- hey if you were that drum set, i'd bang you on that stage all night

Did you just fart? Cause it smells like shit in here

Sugar-free sugar cookies

Guy:Are you wearing space pants, cause that ass is out of this world! Girl:No, they're baseball pants, cuz this ass is out of your league.

Guy: Did you use Windex on your pants? Girl: No, why? Guy: Because I see myself in your pants.

Boy:do you know to spell "Idiot" with just one word? Girl:how? Boy:U

Famous male actors guide on pick-up. 1. Enter Disco. 2. Say hello out loud. 3. By this point you`re screwed... literally.

You want to sleep with me and i want to sleep with you. I'm at least half right.

B: Can I have your number ? G: Sure.. 666

Super man and Lois lane doing it... Supes: WOMAN I AM SO uh.. tHORNY that I want to thrust as hard as I can and... Lois: YAAAAAAAAAAARGH! Supes: Oh noes! R.I.P Lois Lane... Ripped In Pieces Indeed... Moral: Hey at least moral man can get laid... (a moral man fake... well actually original)

Roses are red violets are blue i got a gun get in the van!

Did It Hurt when you fell from heaven? No, because I was already dead.

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


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