-hey, come here a minute.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Is that a mirror in your pants? We should have sex immediately.

thumb_up thumb_down -40

Guy: Do you wanna be the sun of my life? Girl: Ok sure Guy: Then go stand 13. billion miles away from me

thumb_up thumb_down -40

How much does a whales weigh? How much? Just enough to make you look skinny.

thumb_up thumb_down -54

My friend and I flipped a coin to see who will ask you out and I won.

thumb_up thumb_down -60

Moral man enters a bar and spots a sad girl. MMan: Why so sad? Lady: My father died... MMan: And you want him to see you sad, from wherever he may be? Lady: No but how am I supposed to be happy about it? MMan: Remember the happy days you spent, because they are many more than the days you will see his gravestone, and if nothing else, we can always keep those alive within our heart happily, as long as we are happy in OUR heart... Moral: I would have called this meaningless bull before, but this is a true story, and those words are the reason I just celebrated my two year anniversary with my girlfriend, the most amazing girl ever... which just sang out of joy btw... I may be different... but if a man can keep those he loves happy, he is indeed a true man... Ok now she wants to know what I am typing, so I say nothing and put this self brag away, because I share with you, but heck, what am I? Somekind of romantic? Answer: Meh, I am the ever lovable jerk you may not like, but cant stop loving once you know me either... The anti-part? Dunno, dont care :D

thumb_up thumb_down -82

- Are you from Tennessee bec- - Yes

thumb_up thumb_down +97

You look just like my sister! That's funny,... CUZ IM A DUDE

thumb_up thumb_down +43

Are you being followed because i've been see someone behind your back!

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Hey girl, I am a rich guy with a huge estate and stuff, while you live under a cardboard box so... Your place or mine? Both, I to your place, and you to mine.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

- Hey, I have 40 minutes to live and need to feel the touch of a woman to live. -I'm a dude.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Guy: You must put sugar in your cereal every morning... Girl: Why cause I am so sweet :) Guy: No because you haven't been able to see your toes in at least 20 years...

thumb_up thumb_down -31

Dude: I don't wanna be friends anymore! Dudette: I take it that you found out about my feelings. Dude: Yes. And, at the rate this is going, staying where we are now gets us nowhere. Dudette: *sparkly eyes* So... you mean... Dude: Yes. We are more than friends. I realize that you have realized that. In fact... *steps to whisper in her ear* ... we're like BROTHERS. Dudette: 3

thumb_up thumb_down -91

Damn girl did you just come from the dump? Cause you smell like shit.

thumb_up thumb_down +48

-Hey, what's your sign? -I don't know, but yours must be Cancer.

thumb_up thumb_down +46

Guy: Hey, cutie! What's your name? Girl: JOHN CENA.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Girl, now I want you to be on top! Okay, what position? DOGGY STYLE! Moral: Sickman Fraud, with that name smart people should listen with one eye open, while geniuses keep their eyes and ears shut.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Intro music with slow motion running starts as I shut off the tv forever

thumb_up thumb_down -10

A. If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together. B. Oh really? Well, if I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put N and O together. Oh wait -- they're already there. Huh.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

On a scale from 1 to 10, can I get your number?

thumb_up thumb_down -48

Did It Hurt when you fell from heaven? No, because I was already dead.

thumb_up thumb_down -90

-So, what are you doing later? -Not you.

thumb_up thumb_down +27

-Adam, am I the only girl in your life? -Who else is there?

thumb_up thumb_down -23

Sigh... No I do not have a van... Just get in the plane!

thumb_up thumb_down -25

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!