Guy: Hey is your dad a jeweler? Girl: No, He died a year ago due to a heart condition.

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The power to type any pointless superpower at the wrong place... ...shit...

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Damn girl did you just come from the dump? Cause you smell like shit.

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Are you the sun? Because you need to stay about 92,960,000 miles away from me.

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“I've been looking for a girl like you - not you, but a girl like you.” (Groucho Marx)

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Are u in the army cause u make my private stand at attention.

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Is that a mirror in your pants? We should have sex immediately.

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You belong in heaven. So make sure you say hi to God for me.

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How much does a whales weigh? How much? Just enough to make you look skinny.

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He: Did it hurt? She: Aww when I fell from heaven? Thanks! He: No, when you fell from the whore tree and banged every guy on the way down. She:...

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Guy: Hey, cutie! What's your name? Girl: JOHN CENA.

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Hey baby, can I cream in your chocolate?

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Hey girl, I am a rich guy with a huge estate and stuff, while you live under a cardboard box so... Your place or mine? Both, I to your place, and you to mine.

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My friend and I flipped a coin to see who will ask you out and I won.

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Girl: Hey you cutypie! want to ride my newest pimpmobile and get drunk and have unprotected sex? Man: Gee that was mighty brave of you, teehee.. Maybe though, but cant we just get to know each other a bit first? ;) I mean I am a partygirl bu.. Girl: ...Uh, something feels wrong here. Man: Cut! I think we picked up each other scripts... Moral: About mother fucking time someone noticed something! This is anti-pickupline enough for me...

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Him: Did it hurt? Her: What? Him: When you fell out of the whore tree and banged every guy on the way down?

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Boy- is that a mirror in your pants? Girl-? Boy-because i see my self in your pants Girl-oh this, this is a picture of crap!

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Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

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Man: Your tag's showing. It says "Made in Heaven". Woman: *Proceeds to leak period blood into a puddle at the man's feet and walks away in silence*

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M: Hey bitch i'll give you £50 to touch my penis. f: Simon thats an afterschool detention M: SCORE!

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Hey girl, is your father in prison? Because if I was your father, I would be in prison.

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Intro music with slow motion running starts as I shut off the tv forever

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Boy: You know, just because one is beautiful does not mean that she is intelligent. Girl: Really? Boy: Yeah. But I'd like to tell you that you're a very good exception. Girl: Do you really think so? Boy: Of course! You're already ugly, yet you're so incredibly stupid!

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I have never dated a horse-faced woman before :)

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!